By Angeline M Duran Santiago
Where do I start?
Regardless of your personal beliefs when it comes to politics, religion or life, I feel we’re connected when it comes to the questions we face as parents. Our kids come to us with so many concerns and so many questions. I am in a place right now where I know for a fact that I am not alone. Today, as in many other days, I felt completely lost and inadequate as a parent, as a mother who should know or is expected to have all the answers (or so we’re led to believe) but I had none.
I always looked forward to the day I would be a mom. I felt it would make me feel like I had accomplished doing something that was expected of me. I believed it was just a part of life and a pattern I was following because it’s what you do. You grow up, decide on college or no college, get married, have kids and so on. There were many times I felt prepared for my new experiences and many more other times where I felt unqualified. I felt as if I was far away in another place in the room and looking into the situations that came into my life. I was on the outside looking into the moments life was throwing at me and I didn’t know what to do, what to choose and if my choices were correct or hurtful. I trusted the advice of doctors and educators around me.
I held on to the experiences shared by my mother and she sort of what my beacon most of the time, giving me the best advice she could. I looked into books, listened to teachings and preaching on parenting, marriage, being a good parents, being a smart parent, being a well informed parent and being a Godly parent. Still, with it all, I made a million errors, a billion mistakes, and I cannot and couldn’t take any of them back.
Failure has been part of my makeup for a long time. Failure in so many areas of life, but I believe it hurts the most when we fail in the eyes of those we love. I’ve often turned to people for guidance, but it’s the guidance of scripture that has kept me on the right path through all my misgivings, insecurities and lack of understanding.
Yes, I am a parent. I am the mom of three amazing people. Two are adults and one has entered those crazy teen years. I am also a grandmother to the sweetest little baby boy who just turned two months today. My kids had adult questions, parent questions and I felt, well, at a loss. This world has just been changing so much that I don’t know where we stand on so many things like do I get vaccines or do I reject them? To circumcise or not to circumcise? Go vegan or keep on the way we know how to cook? Well, the list goes on and the truth is I don’t always have the answers. And, this is where feeling really small and incapable comes in. This is where we can either let our thoughts get carried away and hit ourselves over the head and say, “Failure! You’re a mess! You’re a horrible mom!” or you can say, “I’m still learning. I don’t know it all. Let’s figure this all out together.”
Truth is, as a Christian, we rely wholly on the scriptures. And, some questions remain unanswered because some responses are just not completely clear and we pray and we have to wait for the prayers to be answered. We give God thanks for having his way and letting His will be done in our lives as we wait on Him. We learn to Be still and know that He is God. We learn that we are never alone and that He is ever present to help us through our hard times. We learn to never give up and that He will make a way. As a parent, that is what I have for my children. Faith.
I don’t have all the answers to life. I don’t really know much about diets, health care, cooking, fitness, and making fashion or technology choices. I do know God will direct our hearts to make the right choices because we choose to honor and live not only for Him, but trusting Him.
God will direct our paths if we place our confidence in Him and Him alone. I know that if we choose Him and not the direction of this world’s wisdom and latest view, He will never lead us astray. God is holy and he expects us to follow Him and live for Him with a heart that is passionate about holiness. God wants our minds to be at peace and our hearts to be free to worship and never fear. This is why I believe it is very important to be extremely picky with what we watch on TV and the computer, listen to and spend most of our day putting importance on.
I am not a perfect mom, but I want my kids to know that I love them and I will kick butt to protect them. I will stand by their side to cover them from harm the best I know how. I will surrender them to the Lord for God and God alone is great and mighty to help them and be with them at all times.
So, as I end what am I truly saying? At the end of the day, I am thankful for the Words hidden in my heart found in the Bible. I am grateful for people that have modeled faith and belief in God's goodness because it has gotten me through the worst moments in my life.
And when I don't have an response, I have the opportunity to pray and seek wisdom in God's Word. It is the only advice I have for a parent, that maybe like me, has felt helpless and without the help others needed. My heart is drawing near to the well of God's waters that never run dry. My mind leans towards the fountain that overflows in me from God's presence. My life stays holding on to the One, the Author and Finisher of my days and all of creation, for He alone is my source, my resource and my all in all.
Your comments are always welcomed. May the Lord bless you greatly!
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