1 Samuel 1
Broken. Empty. Angry. Hurt.
No, to use the word hurt is like referring to I got a paper cut.
I am referring to the hurt deep inside your soul, that the moment you begin to recognize it, identify it and allow it to come out, this deep pain inside of you feels like you will die if God doesn't see you through your great need.
I read about Hannah.
She was barren, in other words, empty. She had tried but her body, her insides had been unable to conceive. Her one request. She wanted to be pregnant.
She wanted to be pregnant with life.
This deep desire within her caused her to be the scorn and the target of mockery and abuse.
It was acceptable back then to have two wives, or a wife and a concubine. Here she was not only having to share a husband, but now she was taunted, laughed at and made to feel less than a woman. She was forced to look upon the children borne to the other wife, maybe even help care for them.
She wanted so much to be pregnant with life that she cried out to God. Even the priest thought something was not right with her because her grief was so deep and so great. She prayed this petition in the silence of whispers cries, "Lord, place life inside of me, and if you do, I will give this life back to you." I paraphrased for a reason. I believe you and I are just like Hannah. Not in the sense that we are looking to get pregnant. But, our heart's cry is,"Lord, I long for your life inside of me! I'm tired of feeling empty, without a purpose, abandoned and seen as someone who can not give birth to what I should."
I understand you because I too have many times asked the Lord what happened to the spoken word into my life when I was younger, just starting in the ways of the Lord. I also had so many dreams and so many visions of things to happen and they've watered away into almost forgotten memories. Yet, as I read all about Hannah today, all I could sense was the Lord saying that He also has a moment for my Samuel to come forth in my life. God has that Samuel moment for your life as well. Just as the Lord honored and blessed Hannah at the right time, He has that for us as well.
God waits but it is not that He delays and we're forsaken. In the Lord's timing, we seem to struggle but He is at peace because perfection and His plan all fall into place when it is His will and his time. Hannah cried for months, weeks, even years and God was holding back not because she was not worthy but because the purpose and mission for Samuel was for a specific season. If she would have him sooner, then God's time frame didn't fit in her timing. It had to be all about God's time and how God was going to use Samuel. You see, the Lord placed "LIFE" inside of Hannah and she in turn returned this precious gift to be used of the Lord, even from such a childish state, surrendered to the Lord completely. And this brought her joy. Hannah had her answer from heaven. Hannah had received LIFE inside of her. She was no longer scorned or looked down upon because God has answered her and worked in her once dead body by using her to bring forth a life that would live to serve the Lord's great and mighty plan.
Lord, I cry out to you tonight because I too, like Hannah, want to experience new life in my life. I know there are things hidden in me that are yet to come to pass but I have never known or learned how to make them come to pass. Help me Lord to wait upon you and trust in your perfect schedule. Your calendar and your appointments are beyond my understanding. So, give me the wisdom to know that you take care of the deadness in my heart and all the hurts that seem to continue to flourish even when I am reminded of your great love and care for me.
Hannah wanted to be pregnant with a child to bring you glory and honor. Lord, I want to be full of life to live each moment for you. I want to be full of Your Spirit and your anointing to give you all that you have asked of me and all you expect of me. I want to live to glorify and worship you all of my days. Have your way in the darkness of the womb of my life, in Jesus Name. Amen.