by Angeline M Duran Santiago
Perhaps one of the times throughout the year when we see people go through the greatest emotional changes and conflicts, is a time like the present, the holidays. I don't know if it's the stress of wanting to join in on the gift giving and not being able to live up to the desired expectations of the receiver, or maybe it's the realization of knowing there's not much in the pocket to spend, because other things take a priority. Maybe, it's the memory of loved ones gone on ahead before us to what we believe is a better place, or it can be the surrendering of our thoughts into long moments of time, realizing another year has passed us by and perhaps we've gained or succeeded very little.
We begin to not only torment ourselves for our lack, but for our failures. We begin to drown in the evidence before us, that we didn't do more for the negative situations in our lives to change, our small fight was not enough, or we just simply gave up.
I know what it is like to go from feeling a hundred percent ready and able to face and conquer the world, to crawling back into a shell and not being able to believe I can even lift my voice to put up a fight. I also know what it's like to wake up hopeful and full of faith, with a prayer constantly on my lips, and then, somehow, feel alone, like walking away and never coming back.
There's a passion within that pushes us to feel confident about our calling, our mission, and our assignment, if only for our present season. Yet, with all our abilities to sell what we know, to prove we are capable, or to show our commitment, something seems to creep in. The strong wall around us seem to crumble down with the touch of an ant. A though, tiny, like an ant, can take all our joy, our strength, our dreams, and bring it down, completely down. What has taken years to build crashes before us in seconds.
And, although most depressive moments may seem to prevail more noticeably during the holiday seasons, I believe for many, sadness and even the inability to move on only intensifies. So, where do we go from here? Is it enough to just know the statistics or respond with a nod of our heads to what we hear and see? Do we join the millions who write their pain, their hopelessness, and their never ending heartache and add to their lines of tears with our pen?
Instead, and this is just me, I choose to get up.
I choose to rise from the bed and face the madness.
I choose to acknowledge that there is something better if I just get up and get going.
I choose to look for solutions and not allow myself to be pushed against the wall.
Are you just going to stand there or will you agree that this is what you need to do, too?
We have a choice. We can either join the cloud of weeping or we can go, shower, wipe our tears away, and put on something that smells really nice. We have a choice. We can stay in our dark corner or get dressed and go outside to face the noisy world.
I'm not saying to ignore what you're going through, but yes, sometimes, we need to put ourselves last and open our eyes to be there for someone who is not emotionally dying, but whose need far extend the battle that rages inside the mind. When we are able to find other outlets for our thoughts, like helping people, working, doing household chores, or just going out for a cup of coffee, we will notice that our heart is still beating and our lungs are still choosing to breathe.
So, why are you so resigned to just cater to your emotions?
Why are you resolute to focus on your darkness, your depression, your past and your pain? I know it's real, but you know what? YOU are REAL as well. And, because you are forever falling off your mountain, you cannot stop fast enough to just go look at the Christmas trees for sale on the corner. You missed the notice on the wall to visit a church and enjoy Christmas with some traditional songs and maybe a funny nativity play. You missed the smell of bacon and the aroma of coffee as you passed the Deli. You missed the funny moment next to the bus stop. You're on Fast Forward so much, you are letting life pass you by.
And so, I end with this.
We all seem to pass through the valley of dead bones. Many if not most of us, get off at this train stop, more often than needed. The train is on it's way. There's an Awesome Train Conductor getting ready to make a stop near you. He's going to stop, open the doors and invite you to get inside. He will take you to many stops along the way. Hope St. Freedom Ave. Joy Way. Salvation Path. Happiness Road. The doors will open on and off and you will have to decide where you will trust Him to let you off. Maybe you just want to get off where it's Prayer Hall. Maybe you want to get off and stay a while in the town of The WORD. I know this, no hurt, no darkness, no depression and no pain is greater than our God. He is able to take you to a new place, a greater level, if you just allow Him to be there with you. So, you decide. I don't know if they'll be hot chocolate on this train ride, but I do hope you get on and give Jesus a chance to take you to a new place in your life, to a place of joy and new beginnings. God bless you.
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