BUT LOVE IS HARD, LORD.

  

Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

Love. 
Sometimes Love is hard. It's not easy, even if you consider yourself a Christian.
We experience some difficult moments in life that weaken our perspective of love. There are traumatic experiences that make us bitter and angry! 
Love.
The scripture says that I have to love others the way God has loved us. 
Well, if that's the case, (and it is) then it pushes me to visit this mandate on a daily basis.
I have to start with examining my heart daily and wholeheartedly pursuing this truth.
To love.
Not to love the way I feel like it, sometimes, or when things are going well.
But, to love even when I much to prefer to give someone a piece of my mind when I've been hurt or when I feel so let down by those I have placed my trust in. God wants me to love even when I pass through the dark memories and relive the past. He wants me to take LOVE and embrace it, place it into my heart and make it part of who I am.

 

Lord. Dear Lord. The truth is most of my life has not been easy. I don't really know if I've ever learned what Love is supposed to be like. I need to be filled with your love so that I can show it and give it. I think I'm an expert in attempting to love with all my might and everything within me, but each time I lay it all out there, it comes back like a huge bag of hurt and disappointment. Still, you tell me to love. To love like you means I love even when I have been mistreated.

Love. 
You love and forgive those that have done some extremely horrible things in this life. You love those who deserve death and you offer them life, out of your constant love. You love those who have been abusive and mistreated others and then you don't ask me or give me a choice to love or not love, you simply expect and tell me to LOVE.

 

Well, Lord, I'm not going to lie or cover up the truth in my heart and in my mind with a blanket. I can't hide the obvious scars on my face from what my life has impressed upon me. People look at me and sometimes they just automatically guess I'm upset, depressed, angry or just in a bad mood. But, Lord, I don't know how to change my face. I am working hard on saying things slower and I'm praying my expressions are filled with your presence, love and genuine care.

You ask me, no you tell me to Love and I obey.
I ask you to fill my heart with more of you, all of you so that I can love even when my mind would much rather walk away and never care for again.
I choose to Love because I know that in loving and forgiving, there is a blessing for me. There is freedom in my heart to love like you love and that must be amazing to love the way you do. Probably, it's painful also. To give love away the way you do and to be ignored, unaccepted and pushed away. Then, you truly understand me. You understand us.

 

Love.
I choose to love because Love covers a multitude of sins. 
Love.
I choose to walk in Love because God is love and if He is truly in my heart and I don't love, then I am living a lie. God cannot be in my heart if I don't allow Him to love through me.
Love.
I want my home to be God's heart. A place of healing. A home of refuge. Starting with my own kids, my family, and my life, I want and need Love to be painted and nailed into every wall. Oh, Lord, come flood  my home with healing, with restoration, with love. 
Love.
I want and need my life to be transformed by God's Love.
Change me. Restore me. Renew me!
Take my stony heart and give me that heart of flesh your word talks about.
Place your words deep in my heart.
I will love because I love you.
I want to love you stronger.

 

 If you've been blessed by any of my blogs, please share them. I pray others are blessed as well.
~Angeline