By Angeline M Duran Santiago
Free time. We rarely have a free moment to spare. I've chosen to identify those small moments and use them for reading. I fill those minutes with reading scriptures or books that share the same ideas found in scripture. Lately, I'm finding a small voice behind me encouraging and pushing me to spend those small moments with prayer. I've been reading much on prayer and although I read a lot about it, I realize I read more than what I actually pray. So, one definite move and change I am looking to put great effort into is prayer. Prayer and putting into practice the truths one encounters when the Word pops out at you personally makes all the difference in one's day and daily walk.
Through all this, I've encountered a great struggle. As much as I know the Word of the Lord is focused and centered on Love, there are daily situations that just make loving certain people really hard. It is a challenge I've accepted and placed before me on so many occasions. It is so hard to really love those people that continuously make their presence a hindrance and a nuisance. "So, help me see them through your eyes, Lord." I say. And I pray and I search inside the reserves of my mind to find and remember scriptures that remind me to love and that I have to love because He first loved me. And I find those verses loud inside of me, forgive because he has not only forgiven you but if you have a problem with forgiving others, how can you honestly expect God to grant you the very things you struggle with?
It's about praying for someone who has hurt you and just doesn't stop hurting you. I wonder, do they really not know how they affect me? I truly believe someone that offends and hurts with words is not ignorant of what they are saying or doing. There has to be something inside of them that is so messed up that they can't control to let out what is truly inside of themselves, deep inside. God's voice is loud and clear when it comes to loving and carrying one another's burdens. I do attempt to listen and understand. I try to show compassion and a listening ear full of love. My mind digs deep into those verses that have been comfort and strength for me and I share them with the very ones who are hurtful towards me. It's so hard. But, I know God reminds me that I can do all things through Him who strengthens and enables me to do so. So, I keep trying.
When it comes to the believers in our life, I have to wonder. How can we say we believe in this great God and His word yet we find it so easy to do an about face on the very things we preach and say we believe in? I look at the amount of leaders in the kingdom that do nothing but offend, hurt and turn believers away. I see the attitudes and the lack of Jesus in the very people that say they are called to worship and preach the Word, in season and out of season. Or, is that, when you feel like being a Christian and when you feel like you're not?
This is why I believe my free time is important to spend on being filled with scripture and anything that empowers me and changes me to be more like Christ. I truly believe that if we were to spend less time concerned with ourselves and our needs, we would truly invest in spiritual exercises that build us up daily. When the focus is off of who we are in Christ and his will, then our focus is all on us and what we think we're working so hard on for the kingdom of God, even if we tear apart some kingdom dwellers in the midst of it all.
The scriptures inspire us to love, to forgive, to be charitable, to teach and admonish with love and gentleness. The Word encourages us to imitate Christ and to be filled with Holy Spirit. It constantly tells us to think of others first, to watch what we say and to do all things as if we were doing it to God. We work to serve the church at the same time we are hurting those in the church. We work so hard to put on a huge presentation that will glorify the Lord, but in the process we break apart the persons that come along to be part of the project. We chew them up and spit them out. We use our words as ammunition and justify ourselves by believing that since we're the leader, we have the right to speak how we want and say we want because God is on our side. Sadly, I wonder if God has been there lately at all.
Prayer and Scripture. If there's anything we need more of today, it's using our free time and all our time, even when we don't have time, for times of seeking the Lord and times for reading the words in scripture. This will help us to love and forgive and not be easily offended. This will help us make more efforts to speak with love, even when it is the hardest thing to do. It will help us even deal with family that make us wish we weren't family because of their cruel words, but God will equip us with His presence and His love to do what is necessary for us to walk as the Lord has asked us to walk.
For a long time, I've felt down because I have felt as if my time is past and I will never accomplish those things God had shown me and placed in my heart when I first believed. I have blamed church leaders who told me I would never do such things for their personal reasons and I blamed myself for not fighting and standing when things went wrong and crazy. But, today, I choose to believe that even in my misgivings and my mistakes, God is still present. Perhaps I will never do those things I so desired to do for the kingdom. The jealousy and lack of vision in the leaders that led me for a time were obstacles at one time, but through prayer, I've been able to move forward with forgiveness in my heart towards them. I am not hurt and I don't hold it against them because I realize they just never took the time to really seek God's will for themselves of for me. They couldn't help me because they needed help themselves. These pastors and leaders could only give me what they were feeling, their hurt, their lack of love and their lives empty of Christ. People were caught up with their own issues and instead of teaching those in the church to drop everything and seek the face of God, they just met together and decided a certain group of people were messing up their church and they needed to go. I've been dismissed from so many churches, its funny and sad all at the same time. But, Now I see it wasn't them.
We ask the Lord to heal any area that we think is healed but in reality may still be broken and hurting. We ask the Lord to make His word come alive in us when we read it. We pray and ask the Lord to do something new in our family and in our lives. We ask the Lord to let His will be done before our own. We surrender and wait on him.
Free time. It may come in the form of being sick and you stay home or spend hours in the hospital. If you have a cell phone or kindle, you can spend that time reading scripture or materials that encourage you in the Lord. Free time may come like today, a storm outdoors, snow, hail and rain. It's been a day for reflection, reading, and wanting God's healing and rest in my body and mind. Lord, help us to see the small moments you give us so that we may always turn to searching for your grace and your love.
God is our hiding place, our refuge, and our all if we truly invest in giving him those small moments and not just waiting til there's an emergency to recognize and seek Him. May we know and understand that He is present always, our hiding place.
In Jesus Name. Amen.
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