Choices In Marriage

By Angeline Duran

There are many moments when I wonder why there are so many hardships in marriages that in one point or another began with two people choosing to serve the Lord God and would enter into this covenant of marriage with God as the center and the forefront of their lives together? I think about someone with a deep sense of believing they are entering into something that is part of God's eternal plan and having no idea that in only a moment in time, once they voice those words of promise, the images of what they believed their life would be becomes a quick, downward spiral.

That is the life many believers live and so many really get to talk about it. We're taught that we have to wait on the Lord, have faith, and remain in Him so that His Word is accomplished in us. Through the difficulties, the hard times, and the moments of deep sorrow, we seek refuge in the shelter of God's presence, and wait on Him for help. We wait. We wait. And, we wait.

For a long time, I wondered when God's help would come until I realized that it's not about just waiting for God to show up in our mess of a marriage or our difficult situation. It's a choice we make, and I say, "we" as a couple that commits to walk together under His blessings and His direction. This is where the fork in the road opens and one choose the right side and the other chooses the left side. Instead of continuing to walk together, we choose to walk away from seeking the Lord, walking in love and desiring to live for the Lord. The fallout in our marriages begin when we become divided in our hearts towards one another and towards our devotion to the Lord. Cold feelings take the place of smiles and longings of being together. Lies and compromise take place of commitment and moving forward together as the Lord leads. God is there to guide us in our broken relationships and give us the tools to repair the falling bridges of communication. 

The Lord is present to restore love that seems gone because the hurts have been so constant, all we can do is forgive, because God first forgave us, and yet, we don't come closer because one person is for moving forward and the other person remains anchored to the past of their messes. In a marriage, we all have choices to make. Some need to wake up and smell the coffee, realize the pain they are causing not only to their spouse but to their children. Others, need to grow up and walk away from the same life they continue to hold on to as if living in memory lane will keep them young. God's word tells us over and over again that He is doing a new thing. Do we believe it? Do we actually want what the Lord says He has for us? Without a doubt in my mind I know that God is able to restore marriages. I also know that many times He has made a way for these relationships to come to an end, not because it's His will for marriage to end, but because the abuse and the trauma is so great, there is only death waiting in that home. The heart can only take so much. 

I believe that God gives people choices and that we are held accountable to either honor our spouse or not. We are given the choice to be truthful and honor God, or continue to walk in darkness, serving the devil, and leave God on the sideline. We are given the choice to be bold and talk about our struggles, our pain, and our challenges. These conversations when taking place in the presence of the Lord, invite God to heal, to reveal the sin and allow forgiveness to take place, and there is a genuine time of coming closer to one another and to the Lord. There is also the choice to remain faithful to secrets and continue to become further away from one another until all you have is a cold, meaningless and empty relationship. God has been put on the shelf and there is only one person in the marriage serving the Lord and the other person has made the choice to continue in the childish ways of their selfishness, never growing or developing because their nourishment has remained milk. They've never been weaned from the beginnings of their walk with Christ and they are forever starting over. When God has desired for them to experience a greater flow of His knowledge and understanding, the other spouse has not been ready for the meat of God's word and counsel, thus keeping their marriage stagnate, floating on the muddy waters of despair where rivers of life remain far away and never rush through.

I don't know if you're experiencing a difficult time in your marriage. I know that there is nothing impossible for God. I also know that it takes two to tango and to make things work where a miracle can happen, two people have to desire to walk in the Lord, seek the Lord, love the Lord, and find their life in Him. Two minds and two hearts have to surrender to Him because without Him it is very hard to make a hard situation into a good one.

So, what do you want with your marriage? Will you come near the one in your home seeking the Lord and standing on His promises, or will you continue to just exist, be a burden and not really care not even about praying?

Do you want in or out? It's up to you. Today I challenge you, if you want to save your marriage, to make the decision to search for the Lord's presence and invite Him into your shattered relationship. Or, you can make the choice to just let your marriage die.