Giving God My Yesterdays

Written By Angeline M Duran Santiago

I’ve gotten older. There’s no way back to my youth, to redo poor choices, or to look for a better way to handle a situation. Life doesn’t give us a book with instructions when we’re born, when we go through our teen years, when we start dating, when we walk into marriage, or when we have our children. It just doesn’t happen that way and countless conversations with the elders in our family can sometimes be meaningless if we’re not ready to truly understand the counsel behind their words and their experiences. Even when we have begun to seek the Lord in our lives, we do not have it altogether.

As I’ve walked in this relationship for over twenty five years, I’ve learned a few things I thought of sharing because maybe, just maybe, you’ve been where I’ve been and well, just maybe my words may speak into your situation. Many times I’ve wondered where I’ve gone wrong, how could I have made the mistake to choose as I did, and how, Lord, how and why do I forgive to just have to live the moment all over again? In learning to walk with God, and learning to see the words in scripture as never aging but always fresh and right on time for me, I’ve learned to see His heart in a new way.

God doesn’t ask us to forgive when our spouses have once again been caught being unfaithful, or when they’ve chosen a path that hurts not only our marriage but the whole family. God tells us to forgive. He says it in such a way that He really doesn’t leave room for us to question why or how? We want to and I know I’ve wanted to say, “No! This is the last time!” and then the Lord speaks deep into my heart, your heart, saying, “When someone asks for forgiveness, I just provide it because of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s already there for anyone who asks. It’s there because I knew it would be needed. I know the mess ups, the break ups, the heartaches and the challenges you face. I know you want to walk away. Just, Forgive.”

In my strength, I have wanted to just forgive and many times I was sure I had. The mind has a way of not letting you forget. Even a renewed mind in Christ needs to constantly be reminded that just as God has taken our sins and placed them as far as the East is from the West, then we need to daily commit that reality into our mind's bank. Just as God takes our ugliness and our sins, and buries them deep in the ocean, He wants us to practice setting our hearts up to do the same. 

I assure you this is and can be very hard. It can also be very easy. When we choose to live a life that will reflect God's love, then, even when it hurts, we choose to forgive and see life through the eyes of heaven. I used to always just see God as a loving Father who is there for us and that He truly loves me. Lately, I am learning to see the heart of God differently. He doesn't ask me why or how come? He forgives. He doesn't say, "Not again! I give up on you!" He loves me through the pieces that have fallen once again upon the floor and no one and nothing can put them together, only His mercy.

The Lord wants us to see people the way He sees people. He wants us to Love as He loves us and as He loves others. Imagine, He came in the form of humanity to take our place and provide a life that we could never give ourselves. He requires us to be merciful and boy, especially in public places or the work place, it's so hard to love others and be kind sometimes. Yet, that is where it means a lot to hearts we're trying to share the Good news with. God is a God of making all things new. He asks us to forget those things that are behind us because they're gone. The past only remains alive and present inside of our memories. Our thoughts keep those hurtful moments living on in our hearts, over and over and over again. God tells us to move forward and we cannot run forward towards the goal, towards that winning prize if our head is still looking back to what happened, to what was done to us, and to what we've lived.

As I belittling your pain? By no means, since that would mean making small my personal traumas and hurtful moments. I have been learning that God has more for me and that in order for me to experience a genuine meaningful life, I need to love with a love that can only come from God pouring His divine love into my heart. But, for me to receive that love, I have to allow the past hurts, the unforgiveness, and the ugliness that keeps me bitter and sick to be flushed out of my veins and poured out into the hands of my Heavenly Father.

God asks me to believe Him. Unforgiveness makes you so sick, literally. You can't go forward till you let go of that rope around your mind and heart called the past of all your hurts. Marriage is full of let downs but if you choose to start with God in your life, helping you to forgive, you are able to move forward. You can love again. You can hold on to hope again. God restores marriages. The Lord restores broken relationships between family and friends. God can heal your body when you've been so traumatized with hurt and unforgiveness and He can heal your life just by your simple prayer of surrender.

Will you believe this message of hope for you life today?

Forgive and forget the past. 

A hard thing to do but able to take place if you have the Lord in your heart and trust Him. Surrender to Him today and allow Him to heal every corner of your heart and every part of your mind. Let go and allow God to fill you completely, til all that matters is not what happened in your past, but what God is doing today. Something new and wonderful in your life, if you will only believe.

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