I Thought I Knew How To Love

By Angeline M Duran Santiago

I thought and truly believed I knew what it was to love and have love for others. These past few years the Lord has truly dealt with my life so personally, allowing so many different situations in my life, to challenge my heart and  my mind and my attitude regarding love, the love I believed and thought I was showing others, my love for God, and my love for everyone and anyone in my life. 

During some hard moments, I was truly stretched thin when I felt the Lord asking me, "Will you love them?" "Do you really love them?" "Show them love." "Love as I have loved you." "Love never fails." "Love covers a multitude of wrongs and sins and mess ups." "Love doesn't keep a record of wrong doing and love doesn't keep count of how many times you were hurt and wronged because I want you to love the way I have loved you, completely."

My heart was pulled and required to examine the meaning of love in light of God's love. Yes, I had professed to love because God loves me but was I truly living out this love and walking out this love in reality and not being fake?

God was calling me to love the way He had loved me in my darkest times. God was asking me to love by following His example and at times I found it hard. 

God, this person was hurtful. This other one was mean and lied so much about me. God, how do I forgive and love someone when all I feel is anger and hatred stirring up inside of me and I want to lash out?

And God would remind in the midst of my pitiful outburst that it's not what he wanted me to focus on, not me, not what was done to me but what He was asking me to do for others even while deep inside I wished them the worse.

Lord, then help me to love.

Teach me to love the way you love others because

I thought I had this love thing down back perfectly

and now I realize you've shown me, I don't.

The learning came through loving people who professed to be believers in this very same amazing God of love and yet  walked full of jealousy, hurting others, in lies, and who went out of their way to do me wrong. The learning came through working with people and having experiences with people who spoke full of anger, hatred, and cursed me out and I wanted to give it right back, and the nudge continued to push into me, "Love them for I love them. Love them because it is love that changes them. Love them because they will see when they experience love through your friendship and your demonstration of love." Many times I failed. I still do.

But, I am learning to love those I thought I loved but I realized their hurtful ways didn't allow me to express the genuine love that God has commanded us to love people in our lives with. Our family needs real love from us. Not love from our lips or gifts or a performance. But, love that goes beyond the noise and the giving. Love that is present when life is hard and we need to be a crying shoulder to someone that has done us wrong. Love shows up and is real when someone who has used our friendship needs prayer. God tells us to love others because Love, His love, is powerful!

If then, we want the fruit coming forth from our lives to be the right kind, we need to be connected to the source of authentic Love. God is love and in God, there is no darkness, no fear, and no exceptions. He doesn't choose to love this person but not the other. His love doesn't make appointments or chooses to love based on how good we think we are, how deserving we are based on what we do for others, give to charity, or give of our time. God's love is always there for the person who says they believe in Him the same way His love is there for the person that says, "God? God who?" God's love is readily available for the person who reads their bible each day and for the person who has chosen to walk in sin, doing wrong and living crazy. God's love is for the broken heart and for the heart full of joy! 

God's love if full of forgiveness for the person who has hurt others and is doing time in jail the same way God's love reaches out to a mother or father that is praying for their son or daughter who is sick, lost in a world of sin, in prison or doing drugs. This is the love God has been challenging me to understand and put into practice and it is hard to love like this because we feel the betrayal, the pushing away and how that love is not given back to us. With all our excuses, God still asks us to love without expecting it to be returned. I am available Lord, to learn and be a life that will love, and walk in love, and continue to learn how to love others because it is the way for me to be able to truly show I am your child. Your word says we will be known by the love we have for one another and our love has to be real. We have to love people, no matter who they are. 

For love to be the fruit growing in my life, I must remain connected to the greatest source of Love, You Lord. Let my roots grow deep in you and help me remain planted and grounded in your love and in your Word so that my heart will be real in loving others, starting with my own family, my friends and my neighbors.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for this challenge to get to know your heart on the matter of Love.