SILENCE

Silence. 

Silence is a weapon strategically used to control a situation. Silence is used to dominate the conversation. Silence shouts and says, “I am superior! I am in charge! There is nothing for you to question in my presence!” Silence is a tool that slowly but forcefully cuts into the wood to shape it to its desired form. It tells you when to stand and when to sit. Silence is a drum that pounds mercilessly upon your mind, forcing you to question everything you have ever said or done. At the end, Silence declares you, “Guilty!”

Silence is company to many and defends not one. It visits most unexpectedly and knows when to leave. Silence knows when to force you to pretend as if everything is fine, inviting you to laugh at the jokes and be part of the group. The truth is, as much as you want to pretend, Silence never left the room. You see, Silence reminded you to remain quiet through this act of false joy and certainty. Silence reminded you that you better play your part in this game correctly or when everyone was gone, Silence’s presence would even be greater.

Silence comes to overpower. The effects of constant water falling upon rocks are seen in dents, holes, and breaking away. Silence is the waterfall, the rainstorm, and the sea that washes away the laughter. It comes to numb reality and forcefully hush your pain.

Silence is present and resents you for questioning the reason for its existence. It is angry and then falls asleep. Silence breathes on your bed and reminds you that if you go away, it will follow.  Silence needs to disappear, to go away, to find another home. The door is ajar and your eyes are on it. Will you close it or will you open it and run? Will you slam it shut or will you quickly jump to your feet, in the midst of the weight of Silence’s presence pushing you down, and will you escape?

Silence reminds you of what and who you will leave behind. It says, “Worthless one. I knew you would quit! You see, they will blame you if you leave!” Your heart pounding like the sound of an oncoming train constrains your voice once more. Silence has been residence here for too long. You place your bags down. You walk away to the corner of the room that has become your escape. You lay on your bed wishing for immediate sleep. Defeated and broken, still, you think of what you heard and know that Silence has won. 

There is no escape. No way out! You hold your blanket close around you and try to pray for strength for one more day. For you never know when Silence will be present or when it will pretend to hide, disguised in the image of love and companionship, for just a while, until it has what it wanted and then, when it is done, Silence returns.

Get up, I'm shouting at you, Get up and run! Run to a place of refuge where silence is no longer holding your voice and speak, shout, cry out for what you need, for what you know to be true. There is a way out if you can believe it. There is hope if you can open your heart to find the answers in God's love for you. He is hope and more.