Monday, January 27, 2014


Watching from afar, I see a couple, walking together, but their body language speaks sadness, defeat, an earlier disagreement, and hurt that been carried around like a backpack for years. Neither wants to be first to apologize. It seems the one who always says sorry first is tired of having to be the peacemaker, and the other one has become so emotionally detached, he doesn't even know what to do.

Maybe this relationship or this marriage is over, maybe it is not. I don't know. Only God knows their tomorrows, yours, and mine. This one thing I believe, God restores and He heals but He won't magically show up to change things. It takes two surrendered hearts and egos, completely surrendered to the Lord, who will humble themselves and accept God's guidance. Don't wait until it's so hopeless, you can't even talk to one another. Here are some ways to heal a broken relationship, personally tested and approved.

One of the hardest things to do when you're hurt and feel betrayed is to listen. Being able to hear what your mate is sharing, really listening, let's you understand why they're ignoring you, don't want to be with you, and why they feel abandoned. Listening shows you care. Maybe you thought you knew it all and as you listen, your world will be so changed as you realize that perhaps you stopped hearing your mate a long time ago.

Be honest and courageous enough to say what's on your mind and in your heart. If you've been bold and clever enough to do the wrong this in this marriage, then you need to have the courage to speak up. Don't just say, "Sorry." Many times it is not enough. Your mate has heard it a billion times before. Be truly repentant with your words and actions. Explain what has happened. The Bible says to confess your sins one to another, (James 5:16). I believe this verse is about restoring relationships. If you messed up, fess up. If you're hurt, feel angry and discouraged, speak up also. You have to let things go. Pray that the Lord will help you keep your peace and calm as you share.

If we're not willing to ask God to help us forgive, there's no reason to ever listening to what the other person has to say. We may need to be forgiven one day and have to be able to let go of our remorse and baggage. It's not easy. Again, I repeat, I know it is not easy! Forgiving is perhaps one of the hardest things for many people in a relationship because you feel betrayed, abandoned, used and unloved. But, hasn't God forgiven us of so much? The price, His Son Jesus Christ, paid for our sins. Who among us has had to hang on a cross? I'm not asking you to do the impossible. If you ask God to help you, He will. You will be able to forgive. 

4~Choose to Love
When we are hurt, it is so much easier to hate. Bitterness takes over and we want the person that let us down to feel twice what we are carrying. In forgiving the person who has hurt us, we also have to choose to let them go. God knows that can't do it alone. We don't want to be fake but we can't hide the fact that we can't forget. Memories have a way of showing up as we cook, read a book, ride on the train or pray. Pray and ask the Lord to heal your heart in such a way that you can love this person. Pray for the person who has hurt you and as you pray for them, you will see that God will give you a heart to love them, again.

5~Pray Together
One of the greatest things to do in a relationship is to pray for one another. But, in my opinion, praying together is the true power to keep you united. When two people come together, they share their needs and concerns together before the Lord. There is no fear and no shame. When you can honestly lay aside your personal feelings and surrender to the Lord your friendships and your marriage, heaven will move on your behalf. You encourage one another, strengthen and build each other up. Your guards are let down as you lose the fear to be yourself before God and your mate. Praying together means you will seek God's favor and grace together, forgive and be forgiven, believe for His blessings in all you do. Pray together. It really changes everything.

6~Healing Hugs
My mom is always talking about healing hugs. We all need that physical affirmation of love in our lives. As children, we look forward to that hug when it's our birthday or when we've done something great and our parents hug us to pieces. As adults, we have not lost that need to be held, to be hugged to pieces, and to be loved. There is power in the touch, (not a malicious, dirty or sinful one) but the genuine hug of a friend or the heartfelt embrace of your husband or wife. Healing comes in may ways. I believe sitting with someone and talking and then just allowing yourself to either hug or be held, and cry if you need to cry, is important. We are still flesh. Embrace your mate and love them, forgive them, and be healed as well.

#restore #marriage #heal #relationships #forgive #renew



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