HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT?!!

Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

As I write, I hope to never share a word that will break you or pull you down. I've lived long enough to know exactly what it feels like to be in that dark place where all you long for is a kind word, a compassionate embrace and for someone, anyone, to help you get up because the weight of your own body feels like tons of emotional baggage that keeps you down. As I write, it is my intention to make you think, to challenge you and hopefully lead you into that place you've been longing to be, a place of hope, freedom and walking in the Lord.

My walk is not perfect. There are days I get angry like most people do. Moments of wondering why another day of unanswered prayer has crept into my calendar has come my way just like I am sure you've had many such days as well. I've learned that God's answer is not always yes, and that I should be grateful when the answer is, "No." because it is a loving parent that will say, "No." They see the downfall is our choosing the wrong path. God knows our beginning and our end.

I am in no ways a perfect mother or a perfect wife. I've made many regretful mistakes in my early years of parenting. It's through God's grace that I've not only learned to do better and seek God more, but I've seen God at work rebuilding my family, one brick at a time. I've learned to surrender my children, my home and my marriage on the Altar, before the feet of My Lord, because I comprehended that on my own, I was failing and everything was breaking apart. So, when I write, I write from knowing what it's like with life is hurting, when family is fighting, when the Enemy has come against us like a Tsunami and when God has stepped in and healing has begun.

There is something within us as people that have been broken through the experiences in our lives, where we are satisfied where we are or we long for something more- a deep change. We attend church services, bible study, counseling and so many other events to find a word that will set us free, a touch that will bring healing and something to fill us like only God can fill us. The routines of once or twice a week Christianity take us through the motions and we never truly experience a change.

"How badly do you want it?

And, No. I'm not talking about sex."

How badly do you want to be free? Truly free?
Do you truly want to be free from the junk that comes against you in your thoughts?
Do you really want to experience the kind of freedom where you can boldly say, "I am trusting in Christ?"
Are you children really important to you? Is there salvation and their life truly important to you?
Do you really want to save your marriage?
Do you want to be free from addictions that are destroying you?


If you truly want to have freedom in your heart and in your mind, you have to do more than be a believer that chooses when to serve God and when to seek God. You need to do more than choose what days you shine for Jesus and what days you blend in with the crowd. You need to walk in faith even with circumstances tell you this situation is hopeless. You need to speak with authority declaring that in Christ you are free, more than an overcomer and fearless and what the Enemy throws your way. You need to believe on Tuesday the way God told you to believe on Sunday. You need to cry out to God the same way to cried out to God on that altar just a few days ago. You need to hunger for God's presence on Wednesdays and Thursdays, when you're at work, during lunch time, on the train and as you shower.

How badly do you want it?
Then you have to go for it. 
Remember, if ever, a time where you really wanted to buy something but didn't have enough cash? In my teen years, there was "lay away" in most stores. Many of the clothes I had came from weeks of having clothes on lay away until I had saved enough to take them out. Later on, with furniture, I did the same thing. And of course, when I wanted to have enough for a down payment to purchase a home, I gave up almost everything in order to save that last penny and save that money.

Well then, if we go out of our way to save money for what we want or need, why don't we take out time to invest our lives in saving ourselves and taking the time, making the time, investing the time and even sacrificing the time to get closer to the Lord? Do you think the Enemy rests? Do you think he takes a break in looking for ways to discourage you and take you back into that dark place in your past? Do you think he sits down and leaves you alone? No! So then you and I have to pray as much as we can. We need to take moments, big or small to read scripture. It has to be a habit just like your cup of coffee in the morning may be a habit. 

Coming before God has to be part of your next breath. How badly do you want it? You get up, even if you're sick, to go to work. You will miss church on Sunday mornings but you won't go to service. Not because there's anything special there, but because we need God's presence and when we come together with others who are crying out to God, I'm telling you that God shows up. I know that what I get on Sundays takes me through the week. But, that's not enough. I have to be plugged in to messages of faith and renewal every other day of the week. I have to keep my mind on the Lord every other day. I have to depend on God but also declare that I belong to Him and only Him, not just church days, always. 

How badly do you want to be free?
Then you have to make a choice to truly seek the Lord.
There are many religious points of views. There are schools of thoughts that tell you all you need is to reach out to Philosophy and you can be happy. Others tell you there is no need for a Biblical perspective because there is the seeking of wisdom or the scientific approach that leads you to a higher understanding of what life is all about. I guarantee you that if you cry out to God, there will be an answer. There will be a stir in your life if from that deep place of hurt or need you sincerely ask the Lord to come into your life and do something new.

When you think your life is over, God is ready to do something great and totally amazing in you! When you cry out, "It's over! I'm done!" God says, "Good. That's what I wanted to hear so that I can now step in and show you it's a new beginning." When you want to end it all because it's too much to bear, God says, "Give me a moment of your time. You are valuable to me. I love you. Wait on me. Let's walk through this together. I will not abandon you."

I pray that tonight, if you are at a point where you really need God to do something new in your life that you will truly surrender completely to Him. Tonight is a great moment to let go and let God pour out his love into your life. Be blessed!

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