|By Angeline M Duran Santiago|
Recently, I made some decisions I believe were prayerfully considered. They were serious, complete life changing moments for my family. We took a leap of faith to move to a new home, a new state, to commute long hours daily and acknowledge that our family time would really be quality time when we came together.
I look back at where I was just a few months ago, and even though I cannot lie and tell you that life has been easier, (because it has been filled with new challenges from day one) I can honestly say that I believe God allowed and cleared the path for us to be where we are. Now, I don't know how long our time in our new home will be. I've learned to never get too comfortable where I am because something always happens and we have to move. I have also paid attention to what God is doing and I also have this feeling that God is up to something. Now, when God is in the midst of the changes and the motions that are taking place in our lives, then we have to sit back and let the Lord do what only He can do, because He does all things well.
It's people, you and me, that get fidgety and uncomfortable because we want the details and we want them now. Lord, I'm struggling here. Lord, what do I do next? God, are you sure this was your leading for us to be here? And for now, I believe that even through the moments that been really difficult, I truly believe God is in the midst of it all. From where I stand, I have to look back and acknowledge that God has been delicately moving in my circumstances as I prayed and wondered, "How long, Lord?"
Where were we? Where was my heart just a few months ago? I was fighting a battle that I truly felt I was losing. I was engaged in a war that never ceased and I felt I was fighting alone. There were times where I read the Word or prayed and I begged God to strengthen me to stand, stand against the darkness and the plans of the Enemy that seemed to be gaining the advantage in my apartment and in our bodies. Sickness was constant and there were so many moments I asked the Lord to just take me. Only to say, "Sorry, Lord. I will wait upon You and I will trust You."
I can tell you that this journey I've been on has been one of unmasking the Enemy and reminding him that he may have wrecked havoc in my family, but his reign is over. My journey has been one of learning to identify when the devil is masquerading and trying to walk his way into my home. It is there where the Lord has shown me what is coming and what to do. The problem is that when there is strife in the home, we feel alone and we are not able to see that it is "together" as one that we can stand even more powerfully against the principalities that storm their way into our homes and against our family.
I felt alone. I wanted to hide many times. And many times I had told the Lord I was done, done trying. But, God began to put in my heart a longing to move and it's because God was getting ready to change the sails on my boat. He had made a plan that I couldn't see. The Lord took us to a place where we were now not only closer to our family, but the Lord began to provide us with the spiritual family I personally never dared to even dream of having ever again. God began to tug at my heart and challenge me to trust again. You see, I know what it's like to get all hurt and beat up by church folk. I know what it's like to love the Lord with all your heart and want to passionately pursue His presence but "people" who are supposed to lead you closer to God, only push you out and away. I also know what it's like to trust man and forget that we are to serve, trust and please only our Heavenly Father. He is first and above all things, above what we think or know our calling and ministry is. Above family and jobs. Above our talents. Above it all.
We were tied up many times, chained in our hurts, in the wrong that was done to us in the past, and in the issues within our family that instead of helping us become stronger sometimes pushes us apart. We love each other so much and yet sin can come and change everything. We forget that God is greater than our hurts, greater than our needs, greater than the misunderstandings and greater than the abuse we've gone through in life. God is bigger than our fears. He is bigger than our doubts. He is bigger than our worries. God is. God is saying, "Will you trust me?"With eyes closed and my heart full of hope, I said, "Yes, Lord. I will trust You. You alone have been my help."
I think the only thing I don't like about this move is that I get home really late. It doesn't allow me a lot of time with my youngest and attending service during the week is really hard most of the time. I get home when service is either ending or over. So, Sunday has become really important, necessary, like something I really need. I've realized that God knew who we needed in our lives and He had to move us all the way to another part of the world to place the right people in our paths. God always has a purpose but it's so hard for us to see it because we have to wait. The waiting part is really hard, right? But, it's in waiting and trusting the Lord we get to see what only the Lord can do. Not us. The Lord.
I don't know if you're going through some hardships in your home situation right now? I don't know if your marriage is getting hit hard and you've even considered to call it quits. I imagine that if you're like me, sickness has been an issue, your finances have struggled greatly, and maybe your emotional state has been thinned out in such a way, many times you wondered if you were going crazy.
Tonight, I didn't get home on time to go to service. My husband's hours were changed so he won't be home til almost 11:00 pm this week. So, I decided to remind myself that even if I'm alone for a bit this week, even if I don't get to go to church like I had planned, and even if all doesn't go according to "my" plans this week, it's okay. God's plans are all that matter.
Lord, I surrender every worry and every care. I confess that I want to do so much, but what I do usually fails because I rush it all. So, yes, as I wait, I also trust You. Lord, help us tonight to thank you for moving us and moving in our situations. Thank you tonight for blessing our families. Thank you tonight for showing us that the devil doesn't have the last say or the last laugh, we do, You do. Lord, thank you for the changes in my life because. You are my strength. You are my hope. In You I place my confidence. My eyes are on You. Lord, I give you charge over my home, my marriage and my children. I place their days and their tomorrows in your hands. I declare that every work of the Enemy, every spirit of darkness and every ruler in high places that rises up against the children of Jehovah, is cancelled, arrested, broken and destroyed. Lord, I thank you for giving us the sight to see when it is time to get up and pray. I thank you for allowing us to get up and know that we have to trust You and seek You. I thank You that you are ever present in our lives and in our homes. Thank you, Lord.
Lord, thank you for moving us. It hasn't been easy. If I said it has been amazing every day, then you- who knows my heart and mind better than myself- well, you know I'd be lying. But, thank you that through the changes, I am seeing Your Glory once again. And that my Lord, is worth a hundred moves if I had to do it all again.
I love You, Lord. Amen.
-Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago