WHEN YOU WISH FOR DEATH

Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

Recently I sat in a conversation with someone who was so overwhelmed and broken that this person had come to the conclusion that perhaps suicide was the only solution to stop the pain. I thank God that in the hardest times, He shows up and helps us to give the right words to someone who is saying they want to die, but I think what they're really saying is, "I hurt so bad, I wish it would stop!"

We have the opportunity to let people who are hurting know that they are not alone. So many times our focus lies in preaching to the lost, when many times, the broken and the hurting are so near to us. God will not only give us the words, anointed with His Love and presence, to change the situation, we can trust that God will do great things in the very situations that seem impossible to change.

Psalm 143:3-11English Standard Version (ESV)

³ For the enemy has pursued my soul;
    he has crushed my life to the ground;
    he has made me sit in darkness like those long dead.

⁴ Therefore my spirit faints within me;
    my heart within me is appalled.

 From the very moment we set out to breathe, just like God has an amazing plan for our lives, the Devil also begins to work against that blessed plan. He comes against you and me in our childhood so that we are completely destroyed. Our lives are attacked, our innocence violated, our bodies abused and our minds tormented. We feel alone and pushed against the corner with no escape. It is the Enemy of our lives that works to bring lives to the place where they feel completely imprisoned in silence, rotting away in the silence of forgetfulness as those that have long been buried ten feet under.

⁵ I remember the days of old;
    I meditate on all that you have done;
    I ponder the work of your hands.
⁶ I stretch out my hands to you;
    my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Selah

⁷ Answer me quickly, O Lord!
    My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
    lest I be like those who go down to the pit.

There were times, even in those dark moments, where God made every effort to communicate with us and we just couldn't see or understand He was there reaching out to us. God has always desired to show us the way and direct our paths. You thought God has forgotten you and that maybe He had not heard any of your cries in the night, but He heard. In our pain, we didn't know how to identify the Healing and helping voice of the Almighty God. He was there wanting to deliver you and me from such devastation and heartache but, oh, how we continued to make so many wrong choices, And, it's not that the Lord didn't love us or care, it's that we had ended up in places and situations where the plan of Satan was taking place. He was hard at work to break our spirits and leave us for dead.

⁸ Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love,
    for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
    for to you I lift up my soul.

⁹ Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
    I have fled to you for refuge.^[a]
10 Teach me to do your will,
    for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me
    on level ground!

¹¹ For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
    In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!

 

God has never stopped loving you or me. God has never put His many plans for you in the garbage. God has not changed His mind about how He loves you and what He sees when He looks at you. You see filth but God sees restoration from your ugly past. You look in the mirror and see shame, but God sees a life that is renewed and polished back to something ever more precious than the original beauty. You feel worthless and God says feel my love, feel my presence, and feel the Life I give you. You crave and hunger for death because you believe it is the way out, the end of pain and the only way to stop the hurt and the voices of condemnation. God says, "You're crazy to think there's any life outside of what I am freely giving you. Come closer to my heart and I will give you that peace and that rest you have desired for so many years."

 2 Samuel 22:29  “You, Lord, are my lamp; 
the Lord turns my darkness into light.”

I want to share that the person that spent the  last few weeks depressed, longing for death and feeling like he was losing his mind is smiling again. This person is learning to see that when we feel like we're going to lose our minds, God says, "Take it easy." And He shows us how to renew our minds through His word and by trusting in him. God has a great plan for your life. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that you or I have done that would create a permanent wall of separation between us and God. To crash through that wall of sin and darkness that separates us from our loving heavenly Father we just have to call upon His name and cling unto Him with all our strength. You and I are going to have to put all our trust in Him because being set free will be a battle. The Devil will not want to see you be set free. Satan will not want to see you happy and living a life filled with Jesus Christ. He will continue to come against you. But, one thing I promise, you will have the presence and the power of the Almighty God in your life to fight this battle. 

 Deuteronomy 31:8  “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. 
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

When the Devil comes to remind you of your past and that suicide is the only way out, you will have the armor of God upon you and the Word of God inside of you to command him to be quiet and leave. God will empower you to walk in victory even when life is hard. God will be with you and help you. Life will have it's moments to make you struggle, but with God in your life, you have the guarantee that you are not alone. God will also put family and friends in your life that will love you regardless of your past, your failures or what you feel shame for. Since God has made all things new, God will also give them a heart to love you and see you through God's eyes. He will provide the support and the help you need. Holy Spirit will indwell you and empower you to resist the devil and the devil will flee. 

So, will the person I spoke to these past few days ever struggle with suicidal thoughts again? I know that Satan loves to attack our thoughts, especially when we go through a difficult situation. But, I also know that if we hide in God's Word and seek the Lord, suicide is going to have to run out of our minds because there is a great God making his seat in our hearts and in our lives. The devil cannot remain where God comes to claim his beloved child. I promise to be here for you and walk with you through your hard times. Together we will pray and seek the Lord. Together we will fight. I will not leave you because I love you, I always have and I always will. El Shaddai has a great plan for YOU!

 Psalm 34:18-19  “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all;”

I pray you are blessed. This is very true what I've shared tonight. I pray that just as I am praying for this person in my life, that you will know that I am also asking the Lord to give you victory and give you understanding of how much God not only loves you but cares for your today and your tomorrow. Trust in the Lord and you will see that life with the Lord is a great adventure!

God bless you. Love and Hugs, Your sis in the Lord, Angeline.