I was recently asked some questions about my home life, marriage, and every day moments. "You were the perfect couple, always smiling." Most everyone seems to envision and remember us as that perfect couple. And, yes, in many ways we were. There were some hard moments, challenging moments for sure, but as I look back, I'll tell you how and why we remained together, through it all. "So, why didn't you divorce?" Someone asked me. A lot of times when we are angry and hurt, divorce may seem the best choice or the only way out. Our relationship stood the test of time because no matter what mess ups came our way, our love for one another was always stronger. Our happy moments together outweighed the sad ones. Even when I thought at times, "Lord, this is not going to work." God would remind me of his forever love for me, for us. God's voice was loud and clear reminding me that love covers the mess and that no one is perfect, but we all need God's grace daily. God's word became a constant flashlight into my heart, working in my life and showing me that just as He was at work in my life, He was at work in the life of my husband and my family.
Our lives were far from perfect, but there were so many great happy moments in our lives, that at times I could swear we were perfectly perfect. I can tell you that Frankie was someone who was never afraid to shout on the mountain tops how much he loved me. He did everything and almost anything for me. There will never be another like him. I would be sick and look a mess and he would call me his beautiful one. He was not afraid to make the funniest and silliest faces, the craziest dances and whatever it took to get me to smile or laugh. He did almost anything for me. He rarely said, "No." to me when I asked to be taken somewhere or needed something.
We loved one another without holding back. Yet, there were times we both failed in many ways. Especially when you're a young parent or a young husband or wife, we err. We don't walk into adulthood with a "how to" manual that says, "Do this and don't do this." Yet, through all the mess ups and the do overs, God's love and God's presence was constantly in our midst to gently lead us and help us go through times of restoration. That's what makes a happy home, not a perfect home, but one that will make it through the trials of time. A happy home, to me, is a place where it's ok to start over, where it's acceptable to make mistakes and open your heart to forgiveness. A happy home is a place where no matter how the devil comes to destroy and cause division, that you will be able to turn around, go to the Lord, give him your life, and say, "God, it's a mess up in here, but I am going to trust you in this one. This family here, belongs to you. So, work in all of us. Amen."
That's what we did. Frankie and I spent our years trying to do our best to live for the Lord, for one another, and for our kids. Where there hard times where the thoughts of giving up arrived at our doorstep? Absolutely! It was in these moments where God would show me how to take up the Word of the Lord and begin to learn scriptures on His promises and who God says we are. Sometimes we invest so much in counseling when all we need is to pray together, talk to the Lord, and learn what the Word of God says to us, about us, and how God is always on our side. I began to search for scriptures on God's love, his power and his forgiveness. Frankie and I would sit together, dissect, apply those verses and pray together. We would look at scriptures that reminded us that although we were in a battle, God was not leaving us to fight on our own. We believed and knew that God was with us at all times. I refused to let go of my faith and I gave my family to the Lord every day.
You might say, "And still, death came to the happy place." Yes, death came. It visited many families and death will visit us all one day. For us, it came without warning and too early in our lives. It is the path of all who have been born. What matters is that we live each day seeking God's love and embracing that life he has for us. What matters is that you take time to invest in your children and your husband and wife by telling them daily that you love them, treat them respectfully and with kindness. Let them know they're your world. Love them by praying for them and with them, and inviting God into your life, family life. It's when we can see that God has a bigger and better plan for our family that we can face the uncertainties and the difficulties. We don't face them alone, but together, husband and wife, and God, God was there holding us together. There's a reason we remained stuck to each other like glue. Frankie and I loved one another in such a way, that at times it seems he is still near me even though I know he is in the Lord's presence and not here on Earth.
After what we went through, I believe that if more married couples, especially Christian couples, would choose to fall on their knees to seek God's love, God's forgiveness, and God's will for their life and their home, that there would be less separations and divorces. (I don't advise or mean for abusive relationships to not seek help or choose differently.) Many couples want the easy way out. To get away. To give up. To start again with someone new. I chose to love my husband and that love never changed. Even when it hurt at times because of what came our way, God reminded me that we all mess up but His love never ends and it certainly never changes for us. I'd ask Frankie, "What do you want?" His answer was quick and always the same, "I just want you." So, no matter the storm, we held on to one another again and pushed onward. When I thought I knew what was best for my family, God reminded me that I had to hold on to the Lord for He alone was the Lighthouse in the storm, shining the way to the harbor, full of peace and calm. God always shows the way out of the storm. God always heals the hearts that will come together to find their healing and their joy in Him.
I have no doubt in my mind that it was God's will for Frankie and I to remain together like crazy glue. Our last days together were filled with deep sadness. I got to experience an even greater blessing and joy as I saw my best friend praying, worshipping the Lord, singing with me and declaring God's greatness in that hospital room. My husband's face shone with joy. There was a glow and a joy in him that I cannot explain how it was on him, except that God chose to visit him in that hospital room and prepare him for what was coming. God's glory filled our room because Frankie was getting ready to go home. I believe that the Bible's truth of heaven and life after death is the truth I embrace into my heart. I also know I am at times surrounded by a love that reminds me of him and no one else. The house is so quiet without him. There's an emptiness that is so loud at times, so I speak out, "I love you, Frankie!" He is with perfect LOVE, with the Lord. That floods me with joy!
God took my husband, and he also took my best friend. During our 25th Wedding anniversary, I knew God was once more healing, restoring and making all things new. As much as I've tried to find a hangout buddy or someone to talk to after losing him, no one can or ever will come close to the deep friendship and the great love we had. We had no secrets. We were truly best friends in every sense of the word and we had zero fear to be ourselves, our crazy, crazy selves when we were together. I could dance away for Christmas while he was busy drawing funny faces on coffee cups to make everyone laugh when he handed out his specialty, Frankie's coffee. I would go read a book and he would go watch his crazy Science Fiction flics. I was the ballerina and he was Elvis. I was Wonder Woman and he was Superman. We loved loud Spanish music or oldies in the car so we could sing and dance when stuck in NYC traffic. We also loved our gospel and our worship and the car became our sanctuary. We looked forward to rainy days together. Frankie knew I loved the rain and would smile and ask me, "So, do you want to go for a drive?" He made me coffee and breakfast in bed on my worst days, and I made sure he always had his Puerto Rican food, especially on special days, his birthday, and holidays.
Our life almost seems perfect as I write about it. God gave us three extraordinary gifts when he blessed us with our three children. He gave us the gift of family and two precious grandbabies. He added a daughter to our trio when our son married. God chose to bless us with laughter even when we struggled at times. Yes, our life almost sounds like a fairy tale with a happily ever after ending, except the king, my king, has gone ahead to be with our heavenly Father. Frankie would say, "I'm the king, the king of rock and roll!" as he danced like Elvis in Jailhouse Rock. Then, he would bother me by saying, "Come here my peasant, and kiss your king!" Of course we'd all laugh and that's how Frankie made sure our home was a happy one. I choose to believe any real joy and peace in our home was and forever will be exclusively God's presence and gift to us, mixed with a crazy guy and girl, simply us.
Tonight, as I look back, I know I will never regret my life with Frankie. Everything around me reminds me of him. My children's faces, with his eyes and his smile, keep him alive before my eyes. I ask the Lord to forgive me for the times I didn't wait on the Lord and tried to do things my way. God restores. God heals. God can do what is impossible for this world. A happy home? For me, it was happy because Jesus was invited to come and stay, and that made the difference. Our last Christmas together pointed the way to something difficult ahead. Still, my heart will be still and trust God knows the reason for everything.
Miss. I shall always miss Frankie. Our times together, our trips, and our silly adventures created the perfect setting for our happy home. If your family is going through some really hard times, I believe the situation can change from chaos to freedom if you will come together to seek the Lord and accept God has a better way for you. Together you can do the hard stuff. Together with God in your life, in your home, the battle is defeated. Pray together. Read the word of the Lord together. Don't put one another down and don't talk to other people poorly about one another. Trust each other. Love each other. Hold each other. Cry. Laugh. Dance. Then, dance again. Go out in the rain or stay under the covers in the cold. Draw near to the Lord for he will surely draw near to you. Believe. Hope again. Don't give up. Fight for your family. Fight for your marriage. Hold hands all the time. Talk. Don't yell. Don't put one another down. Talk peacefully. Play games and having family game night. Brainstorm solutions, ideas, and ways to get closer to one another. Dream together. Believe for the best together. Let your kids see you hugging each other more than having arguments. Have fun and open your home to joy!
I pray that if you're facing some hard times in your marriage, that the Lord will visit your home and make all things new. I pray that the Lord will give you and your spouse great love for one another, peace in the midst of the storm, and that the Lord will direct you and guide you as you look for answers and how to resolve the conflict. I pray the Lord will make your home a happy place where joy exists because God's love is ever so present and real. I pray that your family will be strengthened and encouraged to believe and hold on tightly to each other. I pray God will help you through the struggles. I ask the Lord to heal your heart where trust has been broken, where poor choices and sin have opened a door to darkness and pain. I pray every door to the enemy is closed and every wrong against your family and your home is broken. I pray the Lord will help us build strong families with a Jesus filled home and that when our children think about a happy home, they will know the only true happiness is found in inviting Jesus as the forever guest in every heart. In Jesus Name, Amen.
-With love, Angeline
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