SLEEP A LITTLE BETTER

Tonight I can sleep a little better.

Something has happened that has made all the difference.

There’s a smile that wasn't there before. Breathing seems easier. A tremendous weight has been lifted. I feel like life has been extended towards me and Heaven’s company rejoices with me.

The challenge was given and for a long time, I resisted.

I allowed so many questions to bombard my mind and for a while my heart doubted and reasoned within me when all I had to do was lean on God’s goodness and follow after His leading.

But it’s done. I obeyed. 

The response didn't come immediately and so I waited.

These are the words that continued to ring in my heart and mind:

This is what the Lord has begun.There are people in our lives that we've had great misunderstandings with. Momentary confusion has led to break ups and let downs. Confusion of messages wrongly delivered or never delivered has created such deep separation between friends. Hurts have birthed resentment.

The uncertainties of the cutting away have planted deep roots of bitterness and the growth has been tremendous wounds. Time has passed and our years of desiring God’s presence have at times been times of searching for something greater, but these wounds and these painful moments have been buried away in the back of our memories and we've not dealt with them. We've prayed for revival, healing, deliverance, and always there has been something in the way.

And we hear God saying, “ Repair, Mend, Fix, Forgive…” And we respond, “Later.” Still wanting Him to meet our needs immediately. 

This is what the Lord is doing in my life. He is shining the Flashlight deep into the forgotten places in my heart, where the hurts hide, where the lack of forgiveness for stupid reasons have been filed away and where resentment for so many things has built walls so high. 

God is in the business of changing lives. He is also in the way of showing us that we need to be restorers of things broken in our lives.

He has freely pardoned all our wrong doings. We should be even quicker to forgive and let go.

God has given me this gift by shattering my pride and my fears so that I can reach out and say, “Forgive me. I’m sorry.” Or, “You hurt me, but I still want and need you in my life. Can we start over?” This gift has come through answered prayer as the Lord is restoring people in my life that I thought were long gone and I’d never be able to hear their voice again. He is a God of mercy.

Restoration has begun tonight and for that I am grateful and blessed. Do you need to start on your journey of restoration, forgiveness and healing, just like I did? It's never late to start over. Today is the day to just do what you have to do.

Lord, thank you for helping us on this journey towards being whole in our relationships and in our hearts. Amen.

When We Were Friends

A letter 

WHEN WE WERE FRIENDS

I don't know how exactly it all happened or when, but somewhere along the line of time, our friendship ended. We used to be friends. I remember planning events together, setting dates apart to  go out.We use to go to the movies and hang out late at night, breaking night for no reason at all. We'd put on music and try the latest dance. We talked about our lives, our future, our ups and down. We shared so many things together. I remember those times as if so very far away.

Many of us got busy. This I can relate to. We got married and our life with a family started quickly. But, I never pushed you out of my life. I continued to be here for you. I reached out for you.

Then, there were the things people said. Oh, the people and their conversations. How foolish we are to listen or accept foolish words. You see those words caused great division between us. I never knew what they were. To this day, I still don't know what was said. And, I don't really care either. But, somehow, you did. And you closed the door in my life and walked away.

Friends come for a season. My brother has said on many occasions, "People come into your life for only a season." and it is true. But, somehow we continue to end up in one another's path and I was just wondering, Were you and I meant to walk our lives together, just a little bit longer?

I am sorry. Sorry for maybe not understanding or being like other people. I only know how to be me and being me can be very hard sometimes. I put God first in all I do. That has caused an exodus of almost everyone in my youth. I made a choice to live a life that shows I have Him in my heart. This news really scared off some of you. But, the truth is, I am still me. I will still be here when you need to talk. I will never push you away if you knock on my door.

If you need a hug, I will give you two. If you want to just walk in silence, my sneakers are under my bed, waiting for your call. I'll walk with you, even in the rain. I don't know how it happened, or when, but the we that we used to be is broken. When we were friends, life was fun! I always had something to look forward to. My kids are grown, but oh, they know so  many stories about us. I've shared almost all of them with them. So, although they've never grown up with you around, they know you, and I think they love you, too

When we were friends, I decided to live a little different, by receiving a new friend, Jesus Christ, into my life. How I hope one day you will understand what a difference His friendship has made. I have gone through such hopeless situations and He has been there to get me through each one.

I apologize with all my  heart for times I've been angry. I'm sorry for giving up and deciding to leave things as they are. But, the truth is I strongly feel there is something wrong and you need a friend in your life that you can talk to. If that is true, if something is going on and you need a friend then I am here, still here. You know where to find me. I will laugh with you, walk with you, stay up all night and cry with you. I am here praying for you, dear friend. Yes, you know who you are. I will pray for you so that your days are filled with joy and love and lots of sunshine. And, I hope that one day, before our last breath, I can see you and let you know, in my heart, you and I were forever friends.