Tuesday, February 25, 2014


I'm not afraid to open up the subject on infidelity today. I'm very tired of seeing so many precious people in my life hurting, broken and without repair. The world seems to be fine with infidelity. Why have we become so comfortable with cheating on our spouses and then saying, "God forgives me." and going back and forth without remorse?

1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12

Why hasn't the church gotten angry at how many Christian couples are breaking up and walking into the divorce courts? Enough with the tired excuses and let's talk about what's going on in the so called Christian marriage. I mean, look, either we are true and real or we're a bunch of sorry wimps pretending to be part of God's Church and Christ is not real but absent when it comes to the kind of Christian life we're going to live in our marriage and home.

No marriage is exempt. We all see or hear about marriages facing difficulties. But what happens when Christian marriages begin to look and live like everyone else, without God? Some affairs begin as friendly, counseling sessions, (Yeah, right. If you were really counseling someone, you wouldn't be alone and your meetings wouldn't be secret). Other affairs go from so called innocent texting and phone calls to emotional ties you can't break free from. The idea that nothing physical has occurred is a poor argument for an act that has most definitely taken place in your mind and your heart. You have relationships that end up in physical commitment and the breakdown of your once beloved marriage. How has it become so easy for church going Christians to fall into such temptation, they leave their families to continue the affair?

Here is my view on how believers are having a very easy time walking into all kinds of infidelities:

You're forgetting that you made a covenant with God. That covenant with God included speaking your vows while looking into your spouse's eyes and holding hands. But, you forgot this one, right?

You've been so busy with work or ministry, that you've forgotten your victory in work and ministry only comes by placing God first and in the center of your day. So, when temptation shows up in your face, you go from saying no, to not saying anything. You stay quiet and allow yourself to surrender to what you imagine is wrong. 

You've stopped walking in faith, having a heart for God that cries out to the Lord in prayer and seeks direction by reading and meditating on God's Word. The moment fellowship with God is put on the bookshelf, your heart becomes a target. You think it's all innocent and nothing will happen or that no one will know, but really? How long will you hide behind your suit or makeup without getting caught?

You've stopped communicating with your husband or wife. Instead of going to them when you need to vent, have questions, or just need a hug, you allow yourself to be comforted by empty words from someone who doesn't really care about you. You've built a wall between you and your spouse, not because they don't understand, but because you want an excuse to blame them when you decide to justify what you're doing.

You have lost the fear of the Lord. If God is truly living in You, there is a fear in doing wrong and displeasing God. You hear God's voice and you rejoice in His guidance. But, if you want to do your own thing and have a moment in the flesh, you tune God's Holy Spirit out, shut him out, and follow after your heart's desires when you know they drag you deeper into the darkness each time.

You no longer fellowship with men and women who will hold you accountable to do the right thing. When you hang out with people who love God and want to honor Him, you look out for one another and are not afraid to tell one another if they need to get it together. Your fear of being put on the spot by someone who may tell you to stop playing with fire, has kept you alone and away from being real.

Your love life has become distant, cold and barely there. The arms that once longed to embrace their bride or groom have become heavy and avoid love. Love makes you remember but you don't want love, you want lust. Your husband or wife is a reminder of something pure and real, and instead of giving yourself completely to enjoying your spouse, you daydream and fantasize about images that are not only false, but render you empty, lonely and hopeless.

Your fantasy has become an addiction. You've gone from being wrongly intimate with someone to indulging in feeding the appetite of all your eyes can see. From addiction to pornography to sexual experiences that keep you falling away from God and your spouse, you have allowed sin to take root in your life and you feel trapped, bound and unable to get free. Your marriage is heading for divorce quickly but you don't know how to escape the nightmare of addiction.

You need to go back to seeking God's will. The path to the Lord is still before you. Your marriage still has hope if you break free from giving in to temptation and doing wrong to surrendering your emotions and your heart to God. We're supposed to be the people of righteousness, God's chosen, the elect and favored children of the Lord. 

Run! Don't allow yourself to fall away from God's grace. Be like Joseph in the old testament that ran away from the woman that was trying to seduce him. Run to God and be strengthened in Him when you feel pressure to sin against the Lord and your spouse. Run to your wife or husband when temptation comes and share your struggles. Pray together. Talk about what's going on. Encourage one another with God's word. Find someone to talk to, whether counseling or just to help you get through this difficult time, but do it.

What's your excuse, pastor, preaching, minister and counselor? What's your excuse church secretary, missionary and leader? God will not be mocked but will bring all things to the light. Don't you know that? You are hurting your children. You are making God's people look foolish. You are hurting yourself. Why will you so easily destroy your marriage?  

Let me end it this way: You have two choices, get it together or go one with your life. Divorce is not the answer but it will become the solution in a marriage that continues to spiral downhill and you're not doing anything to prove why you should stay together. Saying, "I'm sorry." doesn't prove repentance. A changed attitude and life does. Either you get with the program and seek the God of the breakthrough, the God who restores, sets free and makes all things new, or you sit around fiddling your thumbs, undecided because you want the best of both worlds. In the end, you're the only one that can decide. My prayer for you is that you seek help before it's too late and by then, this sort of strongly written blog may not even be of any help to you at all.

#marriage #infidelity #chrisitianmarriage #adultery #affairs #restoremarriage #restoration #pornography #sex #intimacy #destroymarriage #healingmarriage



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