I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS!

Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

I don't.

I don't want to be the one who says, "I believe."

or

"It's in His Word."

But, then there's nothing more,

nothing in me,

Nothing in my life

that proves He is

He is

He can 

He will.

I don't want to be a mouthful of words

But a heartful of convictions

I don't want to be a head full of scripture

But a walking testimony

That He is

He can

He will.

I'm tired of saying, "I'm standing on His Word

And healing seems light years away,

I'm tired of saying, "He is the God of the breakthrough."

And still there is turmoil and so much going on

Right here

Around me

In front of me

Next to me

Inside me.

I don't want to me the one who is ready to stand up

and say I am a believer to say I believe.

I want my heart to be louder than my words

I want my mind to speak louder than my thoughts

I want my body to be convinced

That no matter what the end of the day brings,

He is

He can

And

He will.

I am tired of believing alone

Of seeing the ones I love say they won't chose God

Because they can't feel Him

They can't see Him

He just won't show up.

Then,

I am changing what I always thought was the way

It's not enough to just say it

It's not enough to just know it

I have to be so convinced and so sure

that every pore in my skin vibrates with the assurance

that God is in control when I've lost it all.

I want to be able to fall back on my knees

and pray the way I did when I first learned He listened.

I want to be able to fall before Him

And cry again

Praise again,

Worship until my voice is only a whisper

A longing for Who He is.

I don't want to be like this,

I don't want to live believing

And not knowing the reality of what I believe

and why I believe what I believe.

Take me back,

Take me back to hungering after your presence

and not just knowing about you.

Take me back to walking in Power

To sensing when you are here

To knowing You fight for me and I have nothing to fear.

I don't want to be like this,

I am not like the world

Ever changing,

Compliant and compromising.

That has never been and never will be, me.

I don't want to be like this.

Tired, accepting, tolerating and waiting.

No.

The God of glory rules and reigns in my home.

The power of God crashes through and breaks through

Removing the darkness, the filth, and the lies

Commanding fear to run like it's being chased by dragons

Commanding sickness to flee for the mountains and never return

Commanding illness, disease, infection, and every kind of malice to go and never return.

I want to be like this...

Believing, Sure, Full of God's Presence, Walking in his Will.

That is my heart, Lord.

To Declare with confidence

That 

He Is

He Can

And

He will.