Monday, November 2, 2015

I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THIS!



Written by Angeline M Duran Santiago

I don't.

I don't want to be the one who says, "I believe."
or
"It's in His Word."
But, then there's nothing more,
nothing in me,
Nothing in my life
that proves He is
He is
He can 
He will.

I don't want to be a mouthful of words
But a heartful of convictions

I don't want to be a head full of scripture
But a walking testimony
That He is
He can
He will.

I'm tired of saying, "I'm standing on His Word
And healing seems light years away,
I'm tired of saying, "He is the God of the breakthrough."
And still there is turmoil and so much going on
Right here
Around me
In front of me
Next to me
Inside me.

I don't want to me the one who is ready to stand up
and say I am a believer to say I believe.
I want my heart to be louder than my words
I want my mind to speak louder than my thoughts
I want my body to be convinced
That no matter what the end of the day brings,
He is
He can
And
He will.

I am tired of believing alone
Of seeing the ones I love say they won't chose God
Because they can't feel Him
They can't see Him
He just won't show up.

Then,
I am changing what I always thought was the way
It's not enough to just say it
It's not enough to just know it
I have to be so convinced and so sure
that every pore in my skin vibrates with the assurance
that God is in control when I've lost it all.

I want to be able to fall back on my knees
and pray the way I did when I first learned He listened.
I want to be able to fall before Him
And cry again
Praise again,
Worship until my voice is only a whisper
A longing for Who He is.

I don't want to be like this,
I don't want to live believing
And not knowing the reality of what I believe
and why I believe what I believe.

Take me back,
Take me back to hungering after your presence
and not just knowing about you.
Take me back to walking in Power
To sensing when you are here
To knowing You fight for me and I have nothing to fear.

I don't want to be like this,
I am not like the world
Ever changing,
Compliant and compromising.
That has never been and never will be, me.

I don't want to be like this.
Tired, accepting, tolerating and waiting.

No.
The God of glory rules and reigns in my home.
The power of God crashes through and breaks through
Removing the darkness, the filth, and the lies
Commanding fear to run like it's being chased by dragons
Commanding sickness to flee for the mountains and never return
Commanding illness, disease, infection, and every kind of malice to go and never return.

I want to be like this...
Believing, Sure, Full of God's Presence, Walking in his Will.
That is my heart, Lord.
To Declare with confidence
That 
He Is
He Can
And
He will.

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