Hello, My Name is Regret

I wait on You, Lord, and as I do, you give me hope.......

       I sit here, with all these pillows, thinking. When your mind starts wandering, it’s a dangerous thing. You start to see all the things that are wrong. All your failures and mistakes pop up and say, “Remember me?” The things you should have done or not, replay in the back of your mind like a DVD stuck on replay. You see visions of tiny specs of time filled with regrets. No matter what you do to change their effect on your present, it seems hopeless. You hear the voice that says, “Hello. My name is regret, misfortune, defeat, failure and discouragement.” 

       I sit here thinking about all the things that are wrong, the things that are missing, and what a struggle I am having just to get through the motions of getting things changed. I don’t know how to change things and make life a little normal again. I turn to You Lord, and I wait. In You I hope.When one voice says, "Regret" there is another voice, if we choose to hear it that says, "Hope, Trust, Believe."

 Have you ever wondered if God looks at our lives and wonders how we allowed ourselves to become crippled and frozen in time? Of course He doesn't. He knows how we got to the place of slowly dying and He stands back to wait for us to recognize our deteriorating condition, to see if we will wake up from this ghastly rotting smell in ourselves and do something about it. It’s not until we realize that we can’t get out of our coma without calling on the name of Jesus that we can begin to walk again, baby steps, and see our depressive condition come to an end.

I don’t know where you are. Maybe your life is an amazing walk of faith and everything in your life is perfect. Maybe you don’t even believe in God and feel life just keeps getting better. You can’t imagine this bleak picture I paint here before you of regrets and failure because you don’t have any. And, it is also possible that you do understand where I am coming from. I believe with all my heart that God is working all things in my life for His good and that He is in control when I have lost it all. Like my brother Tito says, "He is still on his throne...." Do you realize that God is working it all for your best, too and that He is on your side, right now?

       This is His will. That we will surrender to Him and seek Him in such a way that we would know His will. Lord, I desire above all other things, to know your will. I yearn to walk guided by your hand. Let my days and my times always be before you. Remind me that I am yours. Remind me that you've taken the past and placed in the depths of time, as far as the East is from the West and that you remember it no more. Remind me and help me see that there is Victory when we wait on You and walk after You.

Do not go crazy trying to figure out what’s wrong and why I've written all this today. Please. It is my desire to have a place to share because maybe I’m not the only one that feels this way. It doesn't mean I've lost my faith or my hope. We all face regret and today I am facing mine, all of them. I deal with them this way. I write and allow you into my thoughts through this blog. Maybe you have regrets, too. 
Perhaps like me you feel washed up at times and think you will no longer get to do something meaningful like you once used to. Find your purpose in His Word and in His Presence. Begin today. Begin now.That is where I am turning to with greater hunger than before. I hope you can do the same.

For today, I place all my dreams in His hands. If I ever rise up to do anything again, the Lord be glorified. If I don’t ever get to do the things I thought I was supposed to do, the Lord be glorified.  And, if my life is to experience something new, and it is just to be still before Him, the Lord be glorified, still.

WHO PUT A STOP SIGN ?

WHO PUT A STOP SIGN?

Inspired after watching Jacob at football practice today.

     Under the rising heat of morning sunshine, Jacob’s team is following directions to run the area of the field. Non-negotiable drills follow the run that soon leads to more running.  There is very little shade to be found during the exercises as the morning flames lap around each child. 

The Coach directs the team to go for water and they swarm like hungry bees in unison towards the water area.

      Jacob is never one to leave his team at any moment. He’s been taught that the team stays together at all times. So I know something is wrong as he walks away from his team towards me.

     The first thing on my mind is, “Low sugar, get the juice!” Red, flushed faced, he sits down and says he's not feeling well. I check his sugar to find that it is actually a little high. I cover him and get him hydrated with water knowing he has more running and jumping to do. He rejoins his team for some more action. You see, Type 1 Diabetes has a way of showing up and saying, "Here!" When you want to just have a normal day. 

Through all this, my eyes never leave his side. I can tell something isn't right, but somehow, the fighter in him doesn't let the symptoms he is feeling become a stop sign. What can be a stop sign to many is but a pause for Jacob, and he comes to me.

This time he's sick. The heat has really gotten to him and he's not well at all. He's by the gate throwing up and I pray, "Lord, guide me here. Please take control." After some thought, I tell him the best thing to do is to go home. His eyes speak loudly that he wants to stay but, is also aware he's  feeling horrible. We share with the Coach what is going on and get ready to leave. 

As I pick up my belongings, Jacob looks at me and says, “Mom, I’m staying. I have to keep going. I can’t stop now!” He smiles and just runs back towards his team. 

Coach stretches out his hand  to shake it thinking we are leaving and Jacob just smiles and says, “No, I’m going to stay.” Everyone just looks at one another and smiles.

The Coach looks at me, hands in question pose, and all I can say is, “He wants to stay. He doesn't want to stop.” That's my fighter, my son, he's not going to quit without a fight!

My son goes on, non-stop through all the drills, all the routines and every run for the next four hours. At times he runs and at times he walks the field, but he never, not once, takes a break. He pushes himself in ways I've never seen him do before. He maintains speed and pace with his team and performs at his peak level of ability not once stops to complain or give his body time to wave a flag of surrender.

I'm not trying to say my son is a super kid. If you stay with me you'll soon find out where I'm going and why I'm sharing about my son.

 Through the heat and the intense workout, my son never gave signs of wanting to quit, even when I advised him to. He kept going, believing, wanting to do his best more than anything else. He endured with joy!

No one put a stop sign on Jacob today. In the midst of feeling horrible and with reason to quit and go home he decided to remain true to his Coach until the end.

 As I sat here watching, God’s words came to my mind.....

“Will you remain in the race and endure until the end?

Will you push yourself to keep going in the midst of not feeling so wonderful and many things going wrong around you?

   Are you listening to your Coach and believing you can do anything?

Will you get back in the race when it feels like you can’t go on or your world is falling apart?”

     Sitting here, watching Jacob, the phrase, “Who put a stop sign?” pops into my mind and I know that Jacob will be the inspiration for me to write today. He will be the image in my mind when I think it’s time to call it quits. I am getting a lesson in life by watching my son, his team and his Coach.

We have to keep going in the midst of adversity. Do not give up when you are assaulted by sickness or problems. See the prize before you like Jacob does. There is a reward if we remain true until the end. You know His Word; I don’t have to keep writing it over and over again. Jacob looks forward to a trophy, a championship, fun and excitement. 

We look forward to His Presence Now and always with us. 

My son looks forward to wearing football equipment, a uniform that shows he's part of the team. You and I are part of God's team, covered in His grace and love. We can make it.

Who put a stop sign if front of you? No one? Then keep going. Let’s walk hand and hand together and run if we have to until the very end. Jacob made it through the day and at the end said, "Wow, that was some workout!" I'm so proud of him right now. Diabetes is not a stop sign and neither should problems that come to slow you down.

As we continue to go forward our Heavenly Father looks at us and brags about us, I'm sure, "That's my son and my daughter. They are not going to throw the towel in. Just watch them go!" Here's cheering you on!

FEAR CAME TO STAY

Fear arrives unnoticed and is diligent to remain unsuspicious during his stay. No one sees the amount of luggage Fear carries. When Fear shows up, it comes to stay. Fear comes quietly and listens to your morning conversations and takes notes, nodding his ugly head and tapping his pen on his paper. Fear stands at the door as you try to pray and begins to device his plan.

Fear whispers into the air around you every time you voice your ideas. “It cannot be done.” Fear writes on the walls of your apartment so that you see it the moment you sit down for coffee. “Not today, you will leave it for tomorrow.”

Fear listens to your concerns and agrees with you. It sits at your bedside, holding your hand, comforting you with a sinister smile and says, “Poor darling. Are you feeling hopeless?” It grabs at your heart with icy fingers and sends cold vibrations throughout your body, numbing your strength, and pushing you back on your pillow. Fear stands at the window and observes you through the night, as you remain awake, unable to sleep for the sounds that surround you and the imaginations of your heart increase.

Carefully he comes when you finally shut your eyes, and it binds your feet, binds your hands, covers your mouth, and then stands back to admire his work. Morning comes with all your plans and responsibilities commanding your attention. Courage and Assurance of heart have been strapped down. Your heart is racing, you feel dizzy and as you attempt to stand and get out of bed, Fear laughs and punches you so hard you fall back on your bed.

Fear smiles and shows you his previous notes. “Here are your dreams.” He takes a black marker and scribbles on them. “Here are your hopes.” It scribbles once more. “This is what you prayed for.” Laughing loudly, he scribbles a dark line across these. You are frozen in time and cannot move. Fear has taken residence.

What will you do?

I’m going to tell you what you’re going to do, and do it now.

Get up! If you get knocked down, push forward and get up. Get up now! One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision and told him, “Don’t be afraid! Speak out! Don’t be silent! Acts 18:9 NLT 

Today, the Lord says to you “Don’t be afraid!

 Speak out! Don’t be silent!” 

You see, Fear is going to hear it today. So get ready!

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, 

and he delivers them. Psalm 34:7 NIV

You are not alone. Won’t you call out to the Lord who has promised to show up? He’s all around you cheering you on as you begin to fight against Fear.

This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

I know Fear doesn't want to leave, but you are going to have to open up your big mouth and speak out because up to now, Fear just hasn’t seen the side of you that can command an army when you put your trust in the Lord.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 NIV

Get up and walk around your home. Every room that has ever made you tremble at the thought of taking one more step, every area that has ever frozen you as you walked in the dark and made you feel you couldn't breathe. Get up and awake the Word of God in your heart and bring it forth into your home and heart.

In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:4 NIV

Fear has to leave! It cannot stand in the presence of a Holy God. It cannot stay in the presence of perfect love. God is encouragement and Life. Open all those doors that have allowed Fear to live in: the door to your mind, your heart, your dreams, your future, your prayers, and your life. Open those doors and take a dark marker and begin to scribble what the Lord says to you today.

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. 

Psalm 91:4-8 NLT

One last verse:

 I am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear? Isaiah 51:12 NLT

WHY? Why then, are you still afraid?

Your comments are welcomed, positive or negative.