Sunday, July 7, 2013

Hello, My Name is Regret

I wait on You, Lord, and as I do, you give me hope.......
       I sit here, with all these pillows, thinking. When your mind starts wandering, it’s a dangerous thing. You start to see all the things that are wrong. All your failures and mistakes pop up and say, “Remember me?” The things you should have done or not, replay in the back of your mind like a DVD stuck on replay. You see visions of tiny specs of time filled with regrets. No matter what you do to change their effect on your present, it seems hopeless. You hear the voice that says, “Hello. My name is regret, misfortune, defeat, failure and discouragement.” 

       I sit here thinking about all the things that are wrong, the things that are missing, and what a struggle I am having just to get through the motions of getting things changed. I don’t know how to change things and make life a little normal again. I turn to You Lord, and I wait. In You I hope.When one voice says, "Regret" there is another voice, if we choose to hear it that says, "Hope, Trust, Believe."

 Have you ever wondered if God looks at our lives and wonders how we allowed ourselves to become crippled and frozen in time? Of course He doesn't. He knows how we got to the place of slowly dying and He stands back to wait for us to recognize our deteriorating condition, to see if we will wake up from this ghastly rotting smell in ourselves and do something about it. It’s not until we realize that we can’t get out of our coma without calling on the name of Jesus that we can begin to walk again, baby steps, and see our depressive condition come to an end.
I don’t know where you are. Maybe your life is an amazing walk of faith and everything in your life is perfect. Maybe you don’t even believe in God and feel life just keeps getting better. You can’t imagine this bleak picture I paint here before you of regrets and failure because you don’t have any. And, it is also possible that you do understand where I am coming from. I believe with all my heart that God is working all things in my life for His good and that He is in control when I have lost it all. Like my brother Tito says, "He is still on his throne...." Do you realize that God is working it all for your best, too and that He is on your side, right now?
       This is His will. That we will surrender to Him and seek Him in such a way that we would know His will. Lord, I desire above all other things, to know your will. I yearn to walk guided by your hand. Let my days and my times always be before you. Remind me that I am yours. Remind me that you've taken the past and placed in the depths of time, as far as the East is from the West and that you remember it no more. Remind me and help me see that there is Victory when we wait on You and walk after You.

Do not go crazy trying to figure out what’s wrong and why I've written all this today. Please. It is my desire to have a place to share because maybe I’m not the only one that feels this way. It doesn't mean I've lost my faith or my hope. We all face regret and today I am facing mine, all of them. I deal with them this way. I write and allow you into my thoughts through this blog. Maybe you have regrets, too. 
Perhaps like me you feel washed up at times and think you will no longer get to do something meaningful like you once used to. Find your purpose in His Word and in His Presence. Begin today. Begin now.That is where I am turning to with greater hunger than before. I hope you can do the same.

For today, I place all my dreams in His hands. If I ever rise up to do anything again, the Lord be glorified. If I don’t ever get to do the things I thought I was supposed to do, the Lord be glorified.  And, if my life is to experience something new, and it is just to be still before Him, the Lord be glorified, still.