Forgetting What Is Behind

 If you've been in church for some years, you start to learn certain phrases and learn favorite scripture used during a sermon or teaching. There are several for me that I tend to refer to a lot when sharing with someone.

 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 KJV

Most of the time when I've heard someone share on this verse, they are referring to someone that is struggling with an addiction, a temptation, or an area in their life where they are struggling with making better choices for their life but keep going back to their old way of life. It seems many times preachers talk about those who go back to their old habits and ways of thinking, because they don't trust the Lord to deliver them from drugs, pornography, or any type of lifestyle that is hard to move away from. 

But, what if? Here I go again with my wonderings. What if, there's more to what this verse is talking about when it states, what if there is a literal meaning to taking the words to heart? What if there's another way of seeing this scripture when it talks about not conforming to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of the mind? 

What if when I look at not conforming, I consider what it means to conform? If I look at what it means to conform, it means to comply with rules, standards or laws. It means to behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards. Some words that are synonymous to conform are to obey, follow, keep to, hold to, stick to, accept and go along with. In other words, if I am to apply this verse to my life, I am choosing not to comply with the rules, standards and laws everyone else is complying with. I am choosing to do the opposite of conform. I do not conform to the pattern of this world.

And what is the pattern we are advised not to conform to? For me, I see patterns in an artistic way. Repetition of lines or shapes, or a design. Pattern can also be influence, form, mold, the regular and repeated way something is done. I like Webster's definition because it helps me to share what I believe is keeping many persons in a rut, unable to move forward in life, and just stuck where they are because they think the process of renewing their mind only pertains to those lost in addiction or broken in their traumatic state. I am not a doctor, or have a degree to back up my thoughts, but I believe words and life experiences give me the diploma to write what I think. If you disagree, it's okay. I am going to write it anyway.

So, if I break it down, it might sound like this.

When it comes to the constant, the regular and repeated ways of doing life, don't obey the rules, and standards of this world.

You see, the pattern of this world is to keep you and me occupied in our thoughts, like a huge Ferris wheel that we get on but can never get off, because it never stops going around and around. Sort of like a pattern. Square, star, square, star, and what comes next? Square. Life is the same if we keep our focus on the patterns of this world. Stress, trauma, stress, trauma, stress. Disappointment, betrayal, pain, disappointment, betrayal, pain, etc. The pattern keeps you thinking about what comes next and we remain with the same thoughts, the same stress and the hurts never go away. We keep our heart and our mind on what happened, on how it happened, how painful it was or is, and we stay there in that thought process, over and over without end. 

My mom shared something today about what she was reading. She shared how the devil shows up and tells Jesus, "If you are the son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Matthew 4:3. We know Jesus answered. But, humor me a bit here. What if Jesus would have chosen to go along with the pattern of this world. I wonder if he would have started questioning, "Oh my goodness! Wait! Am I really the son of God? What if I try to turn the stones to bread and they turn to serpents?" No. Jesus knew who He was and is. Jesus knew why He had chosen to come to this world. He was King on a mission and no wanna be tempter was going to confuse Him. Jesus answered "It is written- "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

Jesus didn't play around with words and stay wondering on "If you are" and he certainly didn't shake at the devil's weak attempt to get the Lord to obey him when he said, "tell". See, no one tells Jesus what to do. It was not going to happen. His eyes never strayed from his reason and purpose, even when he experienced humanity's exhaustion, hunger, thirst, and weakness. He remained in control and with all of us in His mind. So what does this have to do with the first verse I was talking about?

The Word. 

When you and I know understand what we have in knowing the worth and the power of God's Word, we are not easily moved to follow along like robots the ways or the pattern of this world. We experience the difficulties of life but we know that if we are transformed by the renewing of our mind, we do not stay stuck in that place of constantly remembering the past and all the heartaches connected to every painful experience. 

We are transformed when we know that God's Word is readily available to provide for us. He transforms us in our thoughts so that we are not like clothes that are hung in the closet, never used, and one day given or thrown away. Your life has a purpose even when life has not been what you imagined. Even when you made a poor choice that didn't get you what you wanted, God still wants to work in your life, in your thoughts, and in your memory. 

Do not linger in yesterday. Do not park your heart on the highway of a pattern that never changes and you never move forward into a new joyous life. There is life after every difficult situation you have come through. God has a new story. God has a new song for you. God has a new way of seeing life, but you are going to have to believe His Word. You will need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind with God's Word, not the pattern or the laws of this world that tell you to self destruct, self medicate, or stay in depression, or get even. No! God has a life full of purpose.

I think of the woman at the well. You know her. She went into a debate with Jesus about beliefs and ideas and Jesus cut to the chase and challenged her in her heart. He didn't want her to go to what she thought she knew. He tugged at her heart. He offered water that no one else could offer and deliver because He is the Life Giving Water Source. You know her story. She ran from the scene and she went and told everyone she met, "Come and see a man that told me everything I ever did!" She led the crowds to the Messiah and she stood with them to receive, to listen. 

This woman did not go back to obeying the rules of this world and start going over and over about her past. Jesus had already dealt with her past, face to face. This woman did not go from person to person repeating the same story over and over. Jesus had seen the pattern of her life and he changed the design of her pattern. He gave her a new story. She went from perhaps abused, mistreated, unloved, abused, mistreated, unloved, to acknowledged, love, worthy, acknowledged, love, worthy. The woman at the well did not go back to her home to think about her loss, her past failures, and what people thought about her. No. She allowed Jesus' love to renew her mind and her heart. She chose to abandon her complaints and her thirst for more in the hands of the one that said, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every Word that comes from the mouth of God."

Photo from Kobo.com

God's Word satisfies. His Word quenches our thirst for being loved and belonging. His Word renews us by changing our routine of obeying the ways of this world, and renewing our minds with God's Word. It is the word of the Lord that transforms. Just like we preach to the addict, the prisoner, the junkie, and the person in any kind of sin to do an about face and start walking towards God, the same way, I ask you, renew your mind. Walk in the newness of life in Christ. 

Yes! I know. This is not for you because you have been a Christian, oh yeah, I know, your mom gave birth to you on the third row, in the front of the church as they sang. You have always been a born again believer so this renewing of your mind just does not pertain to you. Oh, but it does. If you find yourself wallowing in your past, remembering without end what you have gone through, your losses, the disappointments, and how this person owes you and that person should pay for what you went through, then maybe, hey, just maybe, you need to change the pattern of your thinking. Maybe the advice this world has offered and given you so far just has not worked. Maybe you need to believe that God's word is enough, more than a piece of bread. Maybe you are ready to realize that your survival and your sanity, your peace of mind and your ability to truly live again falls on your ability to surrender your life to the Lord and let Him place His mighty hand, His loving hand on your forehead and kiss away all the boo-boos. Our Heavenly Father is in the business of kissing our hurts away. He holds us when we cannot stop hurting because of what someone we once loved did to us. God holds us when we cannot forget and we cannot forgive. God embraces us with powerful arms when life has punched, kicked, and smacked us around more than a Karate class. 

I love the book of Isaiah. I love where it says:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past." Isaiah 43:18. 

The pattern of this world is to keep you going around and around and you never escape the circle of thoughts, the idea that you failed, the lie that you are not enough or unworthy of love. God's Word invited you and me to get off the bandwagon that follows everyone else and believe God's word for what He promises. 

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

God is doing something new. You will have to stop conforming to the pattern of this world. It is not going to lift you up. Only God can change your confusion to peace and your broken heart to restored. 

When we are transformed in our thought process, in what we choose to hold on to, to believe, to keep repeating or not repeating, then we will know and be able to walk in God's will. It will get a little easier. We will understand His ways. We will understand He has a better plan for us. Perhaps this has been the Lord's plan all along.

I would love to hear from you.

Lay Your Burdens Down

 By Angeline Duran Santiago

I've often wondered why so many of us do not receive healing in the deepest parts of our lives. I mean, we know the scriptures are full of promises for those who have chosen to believe. If believing was enough, then we would walk around completely whole, mentally, physically, and emotionally. But, as I speak to enough people, hurting people, I see what might be the underlying cause so many of them, so many of us, are not experiencing that walk of freedom promised by the Lord.

As I listen to people share, there is always a tendency to return to the past. The past is full of painful memories. We say we choose to forget the past. I think, and correct me if I am wrong in my assumption, that many of us hold on to that past that has caused the pain, the trauma, and the unease deep in our heart. Let me give you an example of what I see. Mind you, this is just my way of seeing it. I might be wrong. Or, perhaps, I can help you a little.

Most women and some men carry a bag of their choice. Perhaps a designer bag, a school bag, lunch bag, or a bag that carries their medical supplies. Others carry their weapons, their tools, of whatever they use for work or daily living inside that bag, on their shoulder, pulled by hand, on their back, or in the car. So many ways to pull that bag, or briefcase, computer bag, or whatever it is that we haul around. Every time I listen to someone share about their hurts, in my mind, I see their bag. For many, I see multiple bags. Light bags or super heavy ones that are difficult to pull. Still, even the smallest and weakest of the people I listen to, carry the burden in some form. 

Life is full of disappointments, heartaches, let downs and hurts. We have a tendency to return to those memories that remind us of our loss and what has hurt us the most. Hurting people hold on to what was done to them, what was taken away, and how they were abused and traumatized. Pain seems to be a living organism that grows right alongside our heart, feeding off our lifeline. 

What if? What if we could take that bag, that purse or backpack that weighs so powerfully on our minds and our emotions, and just dump it? What if we could take scripture literally and take every burden and just decide to lay it as the feet of Jesus? This way, each time life reminds you and me of what happened, we can remember that this pain, this load, and this devastating weight is not our to carry because God promised us that through the victory of the cross, Jesus has carried it all for you and me.

I am not making light of what you have gone through. So many have courageously lived through all kinds of assaults, abuse, and horrific events in their life. I would never imagine of belittling what you have experienced. Your pain is real. Your experience has sunk deep roots into your memories. And, you have placed all those excruciating moments into this bag you carry around with you wherever you go. It has gone with you, at times growing and becoming heavier, from childhood into your adult life. These bags have followed you from preschool into college. You have put them down and picked them up again from the early years of your adult life or marriage, and even in your golden years, as you comb your gray hairs, you look to your side and that bag lays on your bed or sits in your closet. That closet of your mind, those memories that refuse to be quiet and fight you back when you try to move on.

Today, I believe God invites us to give up these things we carry and bring them to Him. He is our rest. The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14 NIV

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 NIV

There's a song that takes me that place where I see myself giving the Lord every care, every pain, and all of my burdens. They are many and I get tired of going back to them because they do not bless me but only weigh me down.

Feet of Jesus by Steven Curtis Chapman

Each time I listen to this song, I rise to imagine myself in a dance of surrendering everything that holds me back and giving it to God. I see myself understanding and accepting that God's love for me is greater than the fears that keep my thinking I cannot lay my heavy past down. God's acceptance of my broken heart is more powerful that the past I hold on to, greater than my pain and those memories of feeling I have wasted so much of my life and nothing matters. You and I matter so much to God and He sent Jesus to carry all of our burdens and pains on that cross who we do not have to log it around our remaining years. We can be free to know His love and his peace. We can feel light again in the knowledge that He sets us free. The Lord makes all things new. All things. New.

Will you lay your burdens down? Will you trust the Lord to carry you and hold you when you feel like you cannot make it another day because you are remembering again, reliving the pain and the betrayal again? Will you try to let God hold your heart when it hurts so much that it becomes hard to breathe. You feel like you cannot take another breath or another step and you crash to the ground because the weight of this load, this pain, these memories are so hard to let go of and they push you down hard. But, will you try to lay your burden, your pain, at the feet of Jesus? Will you see the hands of God stretch out and wait for you and me to take all these bags and just put them in his loving hands?

Lord, Tonight I recognize that I am tired and I can boldly say, "Life hurts." I feel all these horrible feelings and have all these crazy thoughts inside of me, like a war that fights against my peace and my joy. I know I cannot do this on my own. So, I bring it all to you. This is so hard because I just struggle to forget, to forgive, to move forward and believe that You are able to heal me and make me whole. God, this all hurts so bad at times. Be my healer, my deliverer, and my strength.

Lord, I need you and truth is that I just am not able to do this alone. I need the assurance of who your Word says you are to come and rescue me. Pull me out of this darkness, out of these haunting memories that do not allow me to live, to live the life you promise me. Bring me out of this pain and into your love. Fill me. Flood me with your love. Saturate my life and my heart and all I am with all of your love for you are love, you are peace and you are hope. You are all I need and I know this but sometimes it is so hard to hold on to you and experience the fulness of life and joy in you. 

Lord, make a way where my heart says that there is no way. Make a way and open the sea that pushes me forth out of the Egypt of my pain and my past and into the promises of your love. Lord, change me to believe and to walk in freedom. Let me see and understand what Jesus has done for me. Help me to see that His death has given me life. Help me to accept the restoration your life in me brings. Heal me. Free me. Forgive me. Help me walk according to your will.

In Jesus Name. I lay my bags down. I place all these burden down. 

Amen.

 

It would be awesome to hear your thoughts regarding what I have shared.

No, Thank You. Keep Your Religion

The world does not want the faith many of us talk about. The people around us do not desire the so called relationship we claim to have with God. Nope. They do not envy our moments of worship or prayer. We have been observed and heard and we have been found lacking. Our family and friends do not wish to embrace our experience as believers. Honestly, I do not want it either.

Conversations take place and we wonder? Is the God we serve dead, unable to hear us, and uncaring. If I were to take on the side of those who do not want the Jesus so many of us preach, I would agree with them and hang my head in shame. It is not right but it is true. When I speak to a fellow believer their words are tangled with complaints and their eyes look upon me to see if I will engage in their negativity. No, my sister, I don't want what you have to offer today.

A brother, who spends almost every waking hour in the house of the Lord, shares with me.  Every other word is bleak, dark, and mixed with confusion. No, my brother, I do not want this faith you boast about. Some people say they don't go to church because the hypocrites are there. Sorry, the backstabbers, gossipers, that mean girl and the groups are everywhere. Yup, they exist in the workplace, in many family circles, and everywhere people gather. But, if we are the church, maybe, just maybe, the difference can begin with us. You see, I don't want to embrace that kind of lifestyle. It's not for me. 

The world is hungry for people who talk about Jesus but believe what they say and say what they believe with confidence. People around us want to hear that the words we share spark encouragement, that they are seasoned with genuine love, and that we are not afraid to say we are not perfect. My sister, my brother, I am not perfect. I fall short of grace daily and I am easily angered and bothered about many things. I do not talk about God as if He is only for the pulpit and church pew conversations, but to me, God is the reality of my heart, the reason the blood circulates throughout my body and why I exist. Ask my mom and she will agree I am a mess on most days, but when we come together, we have made a commitment to honor God, praise the Lord in our time together and uplift one another in the Lord.

When I share with people about God's love, I share because He has loved me. Me. A very imperfect woman with flaws and a million imperfections. Spend an hour with me and you'll write a book on all my shortcomings. But, I will do my best to live what I believe. I will try my hardest to show you that God loves you and He truly can make a difference in your life. It will be my mission to take your negative story and help you see God has not forsaken you and still on your side, cheering you on.

The world is not looking for perfect people, just perfectly messed up people who will hug them, understand them, and let them be as they are while they learn to put one foot in front of the other in this path called Grace. Our neighbors need to see someone who not only walks out of their home with a Bible under their arm on Sundays, but someone who has hidden God's powerful word in their hearts and is attempting to walk without messing up. And, that when we do, our eyes fall on God's promises because He alone is loving, faithful, and just.

This world needs to see that the God we talk about is real in our life. People around us need to see that we are more than the titles and the schedules we create to show our dedication to the Lord. Our faith is louder where it is not needed to be seen. I'll say it again. Our relationship with the Lord is the loudest and most obvious in those places and around those people where we don't think it needs to be seen or will be seen. We don't need to prove we are Christians in the church. It's in the eyes of the people around us that we need to be the church. If I am going to be real, I have to be completely real starting in my home, my workplace, and wherever I go, not just church.

Yes, I hear you. So many of us are completely dedicated and committed to the church. No, not me. I am committed and surrendered to the One who gave His Life for me, for the church. We are so quick to prove our walk with the Lord based on our ministries, our calendars filled with holy meetings, and sometimes people around us do not want to be near us. I challenge you to put aside your coldness and your indifference. Be on fire for the Lord. I challenge you to lay aside your negativity, your complaining and your inability to keep it real behind closed doors. If you and I are the light of this world, then Jesus must truly be bold and bright inside of us.

I don't want a faith that easily gives up and quits. I have come too far to not keep trusting the Almighty One. I don't want to be part of a group that looks more like a social club instead of a group of believers, healed and loving God and ready to give that love and share that healing with others. I don't want to be part of those who know a lot about the Bible but do not know the Power of God's Word. I do not want to be part of a body that walks like they're better than others, because my friend, we are all in the same world, on the same Earth and in the same boat. 

But, I fervently want to be part of that group of people that genuinely love the Lord and want to see others come to know God as their Father, the One who heals the broken hearts and still speaks peace into the storm of our life. With all my strength I shall easily get in line with those who are not afraid to admit they don't have it altogether, but that when we are together, trusting in God's grace and  His Word. I want to help others believe we are able to overcome, to be triumphant and make it.

I know that what I write is  not the norm of what I usually write. I guess I had one of those days where I got fed up of someone trying to say I was part of their "group", but my friend, I am not. I am part of the lost sheep, found, redeemed, and restored. You would find me in the pages of scripture with the outcast, the lepers, the forgotten women, and the Samaritans. I more easily blend in with the sinner, because I need to remind myself daily that I am still here and I must ready myself daily for the coming of the Lord. I need God's grace and His love daily. I need to try and be genuine every day. I need to be what people around me need me to be when I talk to them about Jesus because if I am fake and full of falsehood, that my friend, cannot be hidden.

So, I challenge you to decide what God you will share with the world. What Jesus do you invite into your home life? I challenge you to consider what example of God's love will our colleagues and neighbors see in us, and hear in us? I ask you to take a look inside of your heart and ask yourself if you would say, "Yes." to the Jesus you so easily portray daily?

The scriptures say that the world will know us because of our love for one another and some of us do not truly love our family, our friends, and those we come together to worship in church. If we are going to be the church, then let us be the church for real. Then, and only then, will I say, "Yes! That's the kind of Jesus I want! That's the relationship with God I long for! Yes! I believe! I believe!"

I would love to hear from you!

JUST WORDS

By Angeline Duran Santiago

That word. Those sentences.

Spoken or written.

You know that word or those words well.

You heard them- clearly.

You read them- black and white or color.

There is an unchanging and definitive authority of ink on paper or the words in a voice that can change our present in a second. Our breath is taken away as if the strongest punch has been delivered to our chest and we are left gasping for air on the floor. 

What are the words that you've heard dictated into your life this past year, a few months ago, or just yesterday?

What news came your way and in an instant, the sunlight before you became a heavy darkness that fell upon your shoulders. Mere words made up of letters that alone have very little to say but scribbled together can either proclaim life or pronounce death and defeat.

You and I know all too well the power of words.

A friendship restored. Forgiven.

An engagement. Hooray!

A medical diagnosis. Tears.

The loss of employment. Worry.

A marriage infidelity. Unforgiveness.

A knock on the door to share devastating news. Shock.

A text that says a relationship is over. Hurt.

The phone call that says, "Stop praying. He has gone on to be with the Lord." Abandoned.

A sentence of years locked away in prison. Death.

A judge taking away your kids. Regret.

That letter on your door with final notice for you to take your belongings and leave. Failure.

A bank account on zero balance. Forsaken.

The voicemail reminding you of bills way overdue. Stress.

The group at school that didn't choose you. Unwanted.

The church group that chose to exclude you, again. Hypocrites.

The words you shared in confidence being shared on a pulpit. Liars.

A report card that says you have failed again. Defeat.

A test not passed. Confusion.

A medical condition that keeps you on disability. Struggling.

The one you love walks away, forever. Unloved.

Words.

Disrespectful words. 

Loud! cursing! Embarrassing!

Words that go ignored and unheard. 

Children disrespecting parents, hurting them, with words.

Discouragement. A husband being humiliated. A wife being battered. A child being abused with words.

These are only words but oh, the power they hold to affect us and change us. Or do they? Words can build us up to where we feel ten feet tall and an overcomer or they can tear us apart and smash us to dust. 

But, I chose to write these words tonight because although words are mighty, they are not more powerful than the Word of Life, the Word made flesh, the Word who was in the Beginning, the Word present in creation and promising to be there until our last breath. 

Yes, I am not diminishing the words you have heard. I am not belittling the words on a document that prove what is happening to you right now. I myself have had words spoken to declare all the wrong that was coming my way and all that was wrong with me at the moment. I too, have heard the words spoken about the sickness, the infirmity, and the painful situations in my own home and in my family. So, God forbid I make light of your own grief or despair. 

Hope remains alive if we choose to allow new words, like seeds planted in good soil, to fall and take root. Perhaps if we welcome the words of God's blessings and promises to grow in the soil of our pain and disappointment, perhaps we just might find enough strength to face the verdict written and spoken against us. Some words promise life.

I recently thought on the scripture that says, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." Psalm 91:1. Shadows need cloudy days in order for the sun breaking through the clouds to make it possible for us to see our shadows. It is for sure in those difficult times that we see ourselves hidden under his shadow, covered by His presence. And although I believed this verse was enough of a reminder of what God promises me, I chose to continue reading the words in Psalm 91.

(2) Words. He is my refuge and my fortress.

(3) Surely, He will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and the noisome pestilence. His Word will deliver me from the traps and the plagues.

(4) He will cover me with his feathers and under his wings I shall trust, His truth shall be my shield and buckler.

And what do we do when we fall into the trap set before us? How do we respond when the sickness consumes us and turns our life upside down? Or do these words just figuratively point me to go and find my hiding place in the presence of the Lord?

(5) Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night nor the arrow that flies by day.

Words. You shall not be afraid. Of what? The terrors that show up in our darkest night or the assaults and the arrows that come to destroy us in broad daylight. They happen, you know. Fear. Terror. Fainting in our faith, alone, hurt. Because it does not say that these things are not going to happen but that when the terror comes to terrorize you and when you see the arrows coming straight at you, you and I, yes, you and I shall not be afraid.

(6) Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. The Words in Psalm 91 are saying these things should not take us by surprise because we might experience them. But, if and when we do, fear not. If we dwell in the secret place of the Most High.... those words make all the difference and they take over and go over all the other words spoken to plant fear and dismay.

(15) He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. (16) With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Do you call for help if everything is going wonderfully amazing in your life? I don't think so! We send out an S.O.S. when all hell is breaking loose in our life. The words here say that God will answer us when we call upon Him and He will be with us. When? Is God showing up when the unicorns and the mermaids are singing songs in our living room or when life hurts and you are angry and in despair? God will be with you and me when we are in trouble. In other words, we cannot and most likely will not escape trouble all the time. His Words are enough for me. He will show up. When I am in trouble. When my life is a mess. When I don't know what to do. 

God will deliver me. Somehow. Someway. He will help me. Maybe not the way I wish or want Him to. He will honor me. Honor me? But, I am a mess. A broken mess in the battle and God shows up to promise me and you long life and salvation. We might not always see answers to our prayers the way we expect or desire, but the answer will come. 

Sometimes the Lord heals our bodies and sometimes the Lord gives rest to our bodies and takes His children home. Sometimes, the Lord heals broken marriages and sometimes He heals the hearts of those whose marriages end. Sometimes, the Lord gives us a new job. Sometimes, the Lord changes our destinies and shows us a new career path, a new ministry, a new path.

Sometimes, the Lord restores friendship and relationships. There is reconciliation, forgiveness, and God doing a new thing in our midst. Sometimes, God shows us those relationships were for a season, to just teach us, and He sends new people into our lives for the next chapter of our life. Sometimes, we walk with the multitude and sometimes we walk alone, depending only on Him.

Words, they are powerful. You and I will need to choose how to use them, how to embrace them, how to reject them, and how to speak them. I wrote tonight for those whose life is being changed by spoken or written words that leave only disappointment, shame, and heartbreak. Can I invite you to make God's Word your "go to" when the clouds are heavy and your world is falling apart? The scriptures do not promise rainbows and choirs singing every moment of our day, but that God will be there with us when it hurts and when we don't understand.

Lord, help my friend, my brother and sister tonight. You know their valleys of shadow and death, you know the news they've received. You know their struggles and their pain. God, you are not ignorant of their confusion and their questions. Be the God that shows up in the shadows. Be the God that shows up in the dark and when the arrows are flying our way. Be the Word that speaks against the adversity and the chaos written and spoken against your children. In  Jesus Name, Amen.

Word Title sign used from https://www.cbc.ca/kids/articles/seven-weird-words-in-the-english-language

Your comments matter. Would you mind sharing with me?

REBUILDING BROKEN LIVES

 

By Angeline Duran Santiago

We are living in a time of agendas. Everyone has something they are standing up for or speaking out against. Most people lean towards the left while some lean towards the right. And some, well, they are in the middle or wherever the ball bounces, that's where they land and stand. Signs are made, streets are filled with fighting, and at the end of the day it seems darkness continues to reign and tomorrow gives way for another day to be heard.

Humanity finds a cause to embrace as their life and death issue. The living have something to prove so they find a platform to speak their truth on. Many believers, take their place on the frontlines, speaking up to what they hold to be true. I think of all these issues so loud on social media, on all the many different news channels, blogs and headlines. We choose sides and lift our voices for what many believe could be this world's last opportunity to speak up. We hear many say we are living in the last days.

As I stood and worshipped on Sunday, the worship leader asked a question just before starting to sing. "Are you ready for Jesus to come?" Once more, hit with the statement that we are living in the last days. The congregation was praising and singing and suddenly this question out of nowhere. To some, it could have been a question they didn't hear or ignored. To others, perhaps a moment to pause and reflect and then jump in and keep singing. To me, my heart felt like a deep hit, a sudden stop to what I felt was my moment of rejoicing. "Angie, are you ready for Jesus to come?"

Was I ready for Jesus to come for his church? Was I truly ready to sing, "Come Jesus, come." Immediately my mind opened its image tab and I saw the faces of those I love. I saw the faces of my children, my parents, my family and friends. Were we really and truly ready in that very moment, ready for the promised return of our Savior?

Then, it hit me again. So many believers, so many of us, are intensely caught up in the social agendas of this world that many of us have laid aside what truly matters. I am not saying that the causes we stand up for do not have importance and that we should not speak up for the Truth God has placed in our hearts. I am saying that some of us have become so absorbed and focused on the headlines of this generation, that we have neglected and forsaken the simple ministry of speaking to our families about Jesus.

I have not forgotten the question asked on Sunday. "Are you ready for Jesus to return?" And I respond with shame and sadness, "No, Lord. I am not. Please do not come. Not yet. I am not as ready as I thought I was. I am not going to hear you say, "Well done." "Wait, Lord." "My son has still not surrendered completely to you." "My child has not made a decision to follow you." "God, my dad is still broken, hurting, and will not give his heart to you." "Heavenly Father, my mom is still believing she is good and does not need to confess you as Lord." "Holy Spirit, I want to experience you in a greater way. Use my life. Change me. For I am not ready."

What came to my mind was this passage in Nehemiah 2. Then I prayed to the God of heaven and I answered the King, "If it pleases the King and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city of Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it."

I don't see Nehemiah asking to speak up against the injustices of the moment or about how the government has to get it together. Instead, I see a man on a mission who is only thinking about the broken condition of the people, God's people. I see a man that acknowledges that what has happened to God's people is something their sin has brought upon them. He is also a man who knows the Word of the Lord, who knows what God has promised, and who realizes that it is time to put aside his obligations and his roles before the king, and to take the heavenly agenda of rebuilding. My imagination hears Nehemiah praying, "Lord, use me to restore the broken. Use me to rebuild the downcast. Lead me to pick up the shattered pieces and the scattered ashes." 

I imagine the story playing out in Nehemiah's head. Perhaps he sees the people, sad, hurting, without hope. He sees the gates gone, heaps in ruins, ashes, no beauty, bricks on the floor, and the places that once offered safety and refuge gone. The people are helpless. He does not decide to fight for anything else but returning to where his ancestors are buried, to where his people were, and restoring what has been destroyed. I wonder if he saw darkness all around him and somehow God's word as a flicker of Light calling him to rise up and move forward? He was ready to rebuild even if he did it alone. He had a word for those who spoke against him and tried to stop him. He was full of courage. Ready to fight, unstoppable. Mission restore someone had begun.

Dramatic music plays in the background as I see Nehemiah, walking into the land of broken dreams and forgotten people. His steps are accompanied by the sound of drums and a mighty moment comes when he tells everyone around him, "We his servants will start rebuilding." (Nehemiah 2:20) You read the rest of the book of Nehemiah and this story is intense but oh, the job gets done in the midst of adversity and opposition. Can you see those walls and those gates as the minds, the hearts, the spirit and the souls of people who need God's love, God's forgiveness and restoration?

We want Jesus to come. We preach and sing about His return. But, we have not taken the steps to not only make sure we are ready for His coming, but that our children, our grandchildren, our parents and our friends are also full of the understanding of who Jesus Christ is and what His purpose was when He came to this world. 

Jesus came to seek and save the lost. He came to speak to the lives that were broken. He went to the areas where lives where in the rubble and He spoke the necessary words to rebuild, erect new walls, and strengthen the gates that protect God's word inside of us. 

Lord, I do not just want to know about you. I do not just want to say, "Amen" when I agree what someone says about you or your word. I want my life to be real in public and in private, really living a life that show You are the most important part of all I am. I want my words to speak to others about your plan for their life and that my children can truly understand why you gave your life for humanity. I want them to see why it was necessary for your very existence to be broken and destroyed, like those walls and those gates in Nehemiah. 

Heavenly Father, you alone, your power alone, can rebuild our shattered dreams, our hearts full of pain and our loneliness. You alone can rebuild our lives that are left on the wayside, open to the enemies of our souls.

Yes, my brother and my sister, stand for what you believe you must stand for. Preach in season and out of season. But, let your loudest message be rebuilding lives. Let our strongest march be to reach those right in our own homes. May our greatest song and our greatest message be heard by our children and our families. Let all we do, our songs, our dance, our writing, our ministries and our every moment point others to Jesus. May our most powerful moment be when we see our loved ones saying, "Yes, we are ready for Jesus to come. Come, Lord Jesus, Come."

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

By Angeline M Duran

There's no place like home for the holidays. Home is that place where hugs are free. The embrace that comes from family makes you strong and words are not needed to remind you that your are loved. Home is that place where you stay in pajamas and not worry about the messy hair and feeling sad for a bit. It's going to come. It's going to happen because home is also where the biggest part of your past has now changed, ceased, and ended.

Home is that place where you wake up and he is not on the other side of the bed. There's only one cup of coffee to set on the table. And, yet, there is such a great peace in our hearts that many times it is just so hard to explain. God's peace. I am learning to identify this great tranquility that has overtaken my emotions as the perfect peace of the Lord in the middle of sadness and grief. Holy Spirit is teaching me what His great and perfect comfort feels like. At least for this moment in my life, I can say, "It is well with my soul". And it is real.

Home is where I chose to put up the lights and the nutcracker. Santa Claus made his way into my decor this year. He is not my favorite, but I knew Frankie loved Santa Claus as part of our decorations. So, he is there reminding anyone that comes home that we remember the guy that loved to dress up and pretend to be Santa.

There is no place like home for the holidays. Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, clicks her heals three times and repeats, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." While I believe truly there is no place like home, especially when my parents are present and all my kids are with me, I also know that Frankie always spoke about the day he went home. He longed for heaven many times and he wanted to see the Lord. He often spoke of the many questions he had for His Heavenly Abba. Yes, there is no place like home for the holidays or any time of the year when we are surrounded by family, but oh how amazing it must be to be in that city, in that amazing place prepared for those who love God!

Lord, keep our heart close to you and help us to live and walk with our minds set on you. Set us apart for your purpose and help us to share with others that you love them and are preparing this beautiful place for them. Give me love for people and put your words in my mouth and when I write, words to draw others to you, words to bring a moment of healing and comfort.

I have a sign on my wall that my brother Tee and his wife gave me many years ago. The sign says, "Home is where the heart is." I love this sign because all hearts come home not just for Christmas, but always. When we are hurting and when we are broken. When discouragement and feelings of being let down come, our feet and our hearts lead us home. When we just need to escape and find our chair next to a loved one, all hearts come home. 

Hearts go home, to the place of safety and love. This is what I have found in learning who Jehovah, the Great I Am, Adonai, is to me. He is my home. Like Ruth said to Naomi, "Where you go, I will go, Where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God. (Ruth 1) I say the same to the Lord. Help me to go where you go. I will go. Help me to stay where you stay. I shall stay. Help me to be there for others and be my God. Be strong and real in my life so that I can be a blessing to others that are sad, hurting, and need a friend.

Today is Christmas and my youngest son has gone out of his way to make my morning pretty amazing and special. His hugs have been many and his love constant. This to me is an example of the Lord reminding me that He loves us and is arms of love and compassion when we are in grief, when we remember the ones that are not with us today and any special event. The love of God is strength and words are not needed. 

The arms of the Lord around us, holding us, and carrying us do not need to be proclaimed. They just come and hold us. Just like Jacob, my son has done today. Without words, he just came and held me with an amazing strength and he held me tight for some time. He needed that love, too. His hug was a reminder that God has not left our side. He is here. The Lord is here. Praise the Lord!

God is in our home this Christmas and every moment. We are not forgotten. We are under His blessings and covered with His forever love. Today, I pray that even if you are not with your family and if you do not make it home, that you find your heart hidden in the arms of our Savior. His heart. Home is where the heart is and in God's love, we can experience that love we call being home and in that wanted, loving place.

There is no place like home. You can find the song or catchphrase to add to it. The best place is home, in the loving care of our Heavenly Lord. He is not just hiding behind the clouds. No. He is here. 

Romans 10:3NIV says, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Everyone.

The Scriptures also tell us, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17. Anyone.

Merry Christmas. Love you all.

In Him,

Angeline M Duran

"I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS"

 

By Angeline M Duran

A call from my daughter started my morning with joy and I was happy to hear her voice. I had spoken with my oldest son last night and I truly felt blessed with just hearing their voices. All was not well. It was far from an exciting Christmas Eve. Yet, in the midst of feeling this ache deep in our hearts, there was also a song of joy.

The heat was gone. The boiler kept shutting down and the living room was cold. So, I decided to immediately tackle the windows for some warmth until we can get this issue fixed. The coffee pot was set and ready to go. I put on some Christmas music and then walked over to the linen closet to go through the mess and find some winter-worthy curtains. Putting a panel up, the song came on and I froze on the ladder. "I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me..." Immediately, I turned and climbed down ever so gently with the gasp still stuck in my throat. My hand on the remote pointed at the TV and clicked on the forward button. "Go away, song!" I said in the silence of my thoughts. "Stay away."

Well, curtains were partially up and I went on to start breakfast. Getting the pans, another artist decided to grace my kitchen. "I'll be home for Christmas." Now, I felt bothered because I just did not want to be sad today. So, again I went and just changed the music. I went from instrumental to Christmas favorites and everyone seems to want to play this song. I changed it and then it hit me.

It was okay to hear this song. Yes, Frankie will not be in this home for Christmas. Your father, your mother, your sister or brother who passed away will not be entering through that door any time soon. Your beautiful grandparents or your precious children who closed their eyes to this home on Earth will not be sitting with us for Christmas or Hanukah, or New Year's Eve. But, if they gave their hearts to the Lord, their hope and their expectation has been granted for they are truly home. Yes, Merry Christmas Frankie. You are definitely home for Christmas. I will miss you terribly today but I rejoice with you because you have entered into that rest promised to those who choose to embrace the gospel message.

My friend, I wish I could hug you and tell you it will not hurt but we are not going to become liars and pretend. Every loss is like a chunk of our hearts removed and left on the cold rocks of the path we love to walk through so much. 

I love the way the New Living Translation shares Hebrews 13:14. For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come. While other translations use the word city, here we see it says home. That is the hope we have in our hearts, to go home, home to be with our Heavenly Father, Abba.

John 14:1-3 also reminds us to be at peace. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. (In other words, do not start to worry and just park yourself on the chair and think on those things that make you sad and trouble you.) You believe in God; believe in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

These words fill us not only with hope and peace but an assurance that our loved ones who embraced Jesus as their Savior are in a beautiful place with the King of Kings.

There is a story, more like a tradition, in some places where a seat is put at the dinner table for the special stranger or guest that is expected to come to dinner. Everyone knows he will not come because it is more of a way, I guess, of showing the home is open to someone that has no place to visit and enjoy a meal for the special day. I placed a chair in the living room and designated as Frankie's chair for the holidays. Yes, I know he is not here and will not be home for Christmas. We established the reality of that already. Yet, in my heart, when I close my eyes, he is present, enjoying his family, his children, and laughing with us. 

As I made breakfast for my youngest son, the song, "Oh Holy Night" came on and it was a favorite of ours to listen to in the car. It is definitely a holy night. Frankie and all the loved ones that went on ahead of us this year and years before are in the presence of the Holy One. They are not watching us and seeing our hurt of pain for the Bible says that there is no weeping or pain in the presence of the Lord. It is a beautiful night to sing because they finished the race and they have won the fight. This world is definitely not our home. The Bible says we are pilgrims and strangers here because our true home, our genuine citizenship is in heaven, in our new home, one day, with our God.

I guess, now, if the song, "I'll be home for Christmas" comes on the radio, maybe, just maybe, I am going to be okay with it. Now it has a different meaning for me. Frankie is with the One who loved him and loved you and me so much that one day He sent his Son, He chose to come in the form of humanity and take upon himself all our pain, our wrongs, our sins, our hurts, the abuse, the addictions, the suffering, the diseases and the sickness, and the ticket to hell and life without God. Jesus took it all and He paid a heavy fine so that we could have a place with Him in heaven. He came as a baby but He was already Lord and King. The heavens declared his birth and pointed to the babe in the manger. Nature itself publicized his coming and the moment he was born. The world would never be the same. He came for you and for me.

So, tonight, as we enjoy our time in our homes, regardless if you are alone, if you have to quarantine, or if you are with family, or in the hospital, or going through an extremely sad and painful moment, know that I am praying for you. God is thinking of you. Hold on to the Lord. Be filled with hope. The ones that have gone before us are with the Lord. We need to believe and hold on to Jesus so that we also can one day enter into that glorious city, our eternal home.

If you need a friend, I am here. We will get through this. One day it will not hurt so much. Let us rejoice today for we remember the gift of God's love sent to us in the promise of His Son, no longer a baby in the manger, but a Risen King, promising forever life in Him. I love you and hope you know I am here for you.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and May the Lord do a new thing in your life, a great thing, a wonderful new thing in you.

-In Him,

Angeline M Duran

COME, LORD. MAKE ALL THINGS NEW.

 

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By Angeline Duran

Lord, sometimes we don't have the words

That convey exactly what we feel,

We rarely find the right words

That give a glimpse of this heart of ours.

Yet, here we are,

Here I am

Nothing to hide.

The anger, the disappointments, 

You get the picture? It's us inside.

It's the person reading this.

It's me, the one writing.

Me,

Still struggling to walk right,

Us,

You, Them, Everyone.

Me,

Still trying to think and remember what to do and  how to do it,

Me, 

Wanting to feel like me again,

You, wanting to feel whole again.

They. Them.

They tell me soon things will return to normal again, to how they used to be and I want to boldly and loudly say, "No! Things will never go back to the way they were!"

"No! Don't say back to normal. Define normal? Mine or yours?"

That's not going to happen.

That's not the plan.

Because

All things are  new.

You, Lord, are doing a new thing.

A new thing moving forward. A new normal. A new tomorrow because yesterday and last year cannot be purchased to be relived. I cannot go back to the past and neither can you. There is no "do over". There is no returning to the life of yesterday except in our memories, our celebrations and our regrets.

Oh, but rejoice!

Rejoice in the silence of your meditations.

Rejoice in times of prayer.

Rejoice when you are singing to the Lord and inviting His presence into your moment, your environment.

I cannot see it,

I cannot yet feel it,

But, my life in your hands changes.

It is new.

You are doing a new thing.

Can you sense it?

I don't  have the words, Lord.

Tonight, 

I just sat here and thought of You.

Come,

Come when these thoughts are powerful and overwhelm me,

Come, Lord,

Hear the prayer that is simmering in my heart and ready to fly up to you but somehow it is still, 

Unmovable, reaching out to You,

Take this prayer in my heart and heal every part that is yet to be completely renewed and restored.

In Jesus Name. Amen.

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HIS PLANS, MY PLANS. HIS WAYS. MY WAYS.

 By Angeline M Duran Santiago

This time, last year, Frankie and I were busy planning. Our imagination filled out calendar with wishful thinking. We hoped the whole COVID-19 scare would begin to lessen and family moments could be planned once more. Uncertainty, fear, and isolation had guided most everyone we knew. The daring went away on vacation, and those of us like me, wanting to preserve our gatherings, well, we stood home. But, when the silent enemy of sickness has already decided to creep into your home, all you can do is pray and believe God will somehow protect you and see you through.

Today, I am once again planning. Sadly, this year I am planning alone. Sitting here on my bed, I remember all the difficulties of those days where I didn't know what tomorrow would be like. Yet, here we are. Here I am. Thinking of all the things I wish for but at the same time letting God know that I am totally okay with His interruptions of my plans. Truth is that is one very difficult statement. I am not okay with change and do not handle the storms as well as I thought I would. Yet, I am realistic enough to say that I know God has my best at heart and that when I disagree and feel disappointed in how things turn out, I am choosing to believe that in the end, I will see and understand. 

We plan. God lets us fill our pretty calendars and planners with our agendas. As the year comes to a close, I wonder if it is worth planning again or if I still have it all wrong? I look back at the things that were major thoughts in my mind and in my heart just a few months ago and I think I have a lot to change as I sit here looking at this calendar for my new year.

A new year. Am I ready to wake up to a new year the same way. The same me? Or have I truly taken to heart the unseen surgeries God's Spirit has done in my life these past few months? I remember wondering at times if I was going to make it and that if it was destined for me to pass on, was I ready to stand before my Heavenly Father? Truth is I was not. You know, there are so many things we put on the shelf, sort of like many people do when it comes to how they feel about a small, white lie. I've learned that no matter what, it is still a lie. And yet, we overlook so many other "white lie" moments in our hearts as if they were not just as hurtful. God's Light illuminated the corners of my heart were I still held on to hurts and unforgiveness. 

Reading scripture and looking for promises to hold on to while we were in the hospital room, my eyes fell upon verses that reminded me that hating my brother or calling my sister an unkind name, even in the secret part of my heart, was the same as murder. Here I was, wondering if I was ready for heaven, and God showed me that I had to forgive the wrong done to me and I had to forgive that person that had hurt me. "Lord, but..." and "Lord, but!!!" I wanted to justify the pain in my heart because it had been there so long. I wanted God to give me a free out of jail Monopoly game card so I could be excused to feel the way I did. "But, you know what she did. God, you know what he said. Lord, she did it more than once. Jesus, he did the same thing so many times. How do you want me to forgive?"

"Yet, you come to me for forgiveness and I forgive you." He spoke through his Word and He spoke to my heart. I had to forgive and I had to let go. Because I want to see heaven. I want to see my Savior. I want to see all those that have gone before me. I want to see Frankie, again. As the year ends, I feel the Lord still tugging at my heart, "Have you forgiven them all? Have you allowed healing to happen in your heart? Are you still holding anything against them?" My response has to be, "I have forgiven Lord, and I will forgive." It reminds me of something my Mom has said a few times this week and I wonder if it's God just filling her mouth so she keeps saying it to me until I get it right? People are just people and they are not perfect. These people around us, they love God and they are godly people that God uses powerfully, but they are still people and they will mess up. They will make mistakes and hurt others. Still, they are there for us and we have to love everyone. 

Mom's wisdom speaking into the questions I do not ask. Yet, somehow she has the ability to speak about things I have not mentioned but God knows I need to hear. So, I bring this before you. As the year comes to an end, have you chosen to forgive and let go? We do not imagine what the new year will bring, but I believe we need to enter it with heaven in mind. "What do you choose for me this year, Lord? What is your will for my life? Here is my heart and change me so that I can love others, forgive, and be the vessel of honor you see me to be in Your hands."

We plan. Oh, how Frankie and I planned in December of 2020. But, it is not our plans that prosper but the plans and the will of God. Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 16:9, The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. We planned but God's purpose prevailed. We planned and God directed Frankie's steps towards His heavenly throne and mine, to learn to walk again, to try and live again. The year is coming to an end my friend. Are you placing your plans and your will in the hands of a God that knows our tomorrow better than we do? Are we asking God's will and God's direction? I am humbled to say I thought I truly was living that way but now I see that in so many ways I was just existing and trying to do what I believed was God's way for me but I am learning again. So much to unlearn and so much to learn anew. To sit at the feet of the Master and just soak it all in. That is where I am today. Where are you, my friend?

Tonight, I do not know what God has for me. I imagine some things. Others, I wonder. I wonder about what He has for my kids, my parents, my loved ones and our future. Where would you have my feet go, Lord? Direct my steps. Where do I invest my time, my efforts, all I am? Lead me. Change me. Help me to forgive and love without limits and without conditions. Teach me to love with a strong love. To love like you. Help me to laugh again. To embrace the hurting and feel their pain. To know and understand. 

I give you my planner, this pretty calendar with all the stickers and amazing quotes. Erase my agenda and fill it with yours. Open my eyes to see what I am too blind and too caught up in my own life to see. Open my heart to feel the way I need to and not the way my heart wants to keep feeling, my way, no. Not my way but yours. Your will. Your heart. Your purpose. Closer to You. Closer to Heaven. Closer to hearing your voice in my life daily.

May we enter the new year prayerfully, with an expectation of all things Jesus.

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